I'm Hungry

"..life has a funny, funny way,
of blowing things up in your face.."

Dear lonely isle,

• I am starving to death.
• Probably going to die of stomach ulcers.
• It's lunch time, but my lunch is not materializing.
• I was suppose to order pizza for lunch today.
• First of all, I cannot remember the number to Pizza Hut.
• I've checked all the newspapers.
• And sat in front of the television and flipped all the channels.
• No Pizza Hut advertisements.
• Fuck you Murphy's Law.
• I don't think it's possible that there doesn't exist a single Pizza Hut ad when I badly need one.
• And then memory kicked in.
• 1-800-88-2525.
• Who could forget that annoying song?
• So I called.
• And the line was engaged!!
• Aarghh!!!
• Whatever.
• So I'm still starving to death here.
• Partly because I only want to eat pizza from Pizza Hut.
• And also because I'm home alone.
• Will somebody save me??

Please?
Before I begin self-digestation?

love, joyce.

PS: No worries, I'm still alive. thanks for your concern through.
Haha it seems that it's 1-300-88-2525...stoopid memory...

Shadows In The Deep

Dear lonely isle,

I stand on the edge of a cliff, looking down at the chasm below. And the eternal fall.
That's where I live.
There are times when I turn away to face the sun, but I cannot deny the great nothingness behind me.
Some days I look beyond the clouds and sneak a peek into the paradise in the sky.
Some days I look over my shoulder and stare into the darkness of my soul.
I try to keep myself looking at the sun, willing it to shine past me into the shadows, but everytime I look, they still lurk in my mind.
For some there is only less light and more light. But for me, there is only the darkness, and a night light.
Even as I feel the warmth of light, I know behind me yet another shadow grows.
And even as the light shines all the brighter, I can only think of the darkening shadow, growing longer and bigger.
One day I will be consumed by the pitch black of the night, and without sight, I will trip, and fall over the edge of my sanity, into the everlasting void.
I hope that day does not come.
But still I stand here, waiting at the crossroads.
All point to beyond the darkness, to the neverending dawn, but there is no bridge, no way across to the other side.
And so here I shall wait.
And here I shall remain.

love, joyce.

The Stuff Of Dreams

"..to dream,
is to have hope, faith,
and fear.."

Dear lonely isle,

What are dreams made of?
Dreams are made of thoughts, and nothingness.
Dreams are the essence of emotions, and the source of inspiration.
Dreams are the symbol of both heaven and hell.
Dreams are the colour of life, and darkness of death.

What are dreams?
Dreams make and break people.
They have the power to inspire, and the strength to crush.
Dreams make us see what we desire, and make us face what we fear.
Dreams link us to who we really are, underneath it all.

When do dreams happen?
Within a moment, or between a breath.
Forever, or stretching out between eternities.

Why do we dream?
Because we desire, because we want.
Because we fear, and because we perceive.
Because we know, and because we believe.
Because we are human.

Because I'm only human.

love, joyce.

Blue Art 

Incomplete... 

Indeed, I Am Grateful

"..love thy computer,
and it shalt serve thee.."

Dear lonely isle,

Sometimes I don't know what to do with myself.
I've talked, reasoned, scolded and even cajoled.
But somehow, such words do not seem to enter my brain.
They enter the ears and leave via the other end, without bothering to check with the central nervous system first.
This doesn't look very good from where I sit.
Heck, how can anything be good if where I sit is at the computer?
If I am actually studying, and this is all just a hallucination, then maybe it's not too bad.
But as it is, here I am.
Okay, enough with the whining for a while.
First things first, let me acknowledge my love for my computer.
Seldom realised and never expressed, you never know what you have or how lucky you are until you've used the computers in the school computer lab.
Yes, thank god for my computer.
Thank god for the good internet connection line and basically everything about this computer.
There.

So this one goes out to you, Samsung computer and here's to you knowing how much I love you.

love, joyce.

I Can't Wake...

"..my weakness is,
that I care too much.."

Dear lonely isle,

What am I doing??
I tell myself that my trials is coming up.
I need my heart and I need my head.
Yet every night I'm here.
Waiting.
For what? Something to happen I suppose.
Actually, if I wasn't in denial now, I would say that I know exactly what I'm waiting for.
But you can forget it.
I'm not going to admit it. Neither am I ever going to admit why I'm here.
Every night.
Sitting. Wasting my time away.
When I could be doing something else.
Funny thing is, I actually know all this, and yet I'm still enjoying sitting down here.
Just waiting.
And then starting my studying every night at 12. Before dying in class the next day.
Yes. I admit I'm useless.
And that my heart and head are only marginally under my control.
And that these days, my conscience officially has no say in the proceedings of my body.
Perhaps I have run amok.
My central internal government is in pieces.
Allowed to do as it wished.
I think I'm doomed.

Nothing new about that though.

love, joyce.

Chasing The Dragon, And Searching For Paradise

"..ride with me upon a shining star,
above the moonlight sky,
we will find elysium.."

Dear lonely isle,

I realise that I'm a dreamer.
Try as I like to be practical and unromantic, deep down, I still dream.
Every night I dream.
Frankly, I'm quite sick of dreaming.
But then, even when I'm awake, I realise that I've never actually stopped dreaming.
It just goes on, inside. The ever continuous dream, weaving clouds above me.
The only difference is, I have more control over what I want to dream about.
Dreams are extensions of our thoughts into visual images. A translation of what we feel, hope and want, into something we can comprehend.
So the theory is, if we do not think, then therefore we will not be plagued by dreams of what we really feel.
But subconciously, is it possible to not think?
When we are awake, it's possible to push a thought aside. But when we are asleep, will that thought continue to be displaced?
It doesn't help too, to daydream and continue what you dreamt the night before.
I realise I can spend hours by myself, just not doing anything. Lying, dreaming.
The mind is an amazing thing. We all become award winning directors in our own head.
To be able to see it all, imagine it all, is something even the greatest cameras cannot portray.
But dreams are like drugs.
They're addictive.
They make people unproductive.
They're only good for a short term 'high'.
And at the end of the day, they make you even more depressed than before.
Sounds familiar?
Perhaps I'm no better than a drug addict now.
Except perhaps I cannot contract AIDS this way.
But does that make dreaming better than taking drugs?
The reason why drug addicts take drugs is probably to escape the world. To get inside their head, and see through rose tinted eyes.

Well, truth is, I can do that without having to take drugs.

Living in shades of grey,
And dreaming of colours every night.

love, joyce.

just so happee ^.^ 

In Denial...Once More

"..and there's no where in the world,
I'd rather be,
then here in my room,
dreaming about you and me.."

Dear lonely isle,

How many times must I tell you, over and over again : Don't think.
Don't think. Don't think. DON'T THINK.
If you don't think, you don't dream.
If you don't dream, you don't get confused.
If you don't get confused, you don't fall in love. Again.
When trials is less than 2 weeks away, you need your head.
You need your heart.
It's very tempting, to have a dream hanging in front of you, dangling.
Whispers of a silent fantasy, to escape once more into the recesses of the mind.
To let go, and be at peace.
But I will not dream. I will not think.
There is another way.
But one that I do not wish to take.
Rejection can be a very painful thing.
But the signs are all there.
Being happy.
Smiling often.
And just wanting to be around.
No, girl. Please do not fall into the trap.
But what if I can't help myself?
What if I want it?
I don't want to be in love.
I will not fall in love.
But I'm just so happy.

Maybe I am...in love.

love, joyce.

PS: I am so not in love, you hear me?!
NOT IN LOVE.

Insaflah...

"..fun can be found,
even when you least expect it.."

Dear lonely isle,

• I had a lot of fun this weekend!!
• Thursday was fun! Although maybe I shouldn't be left with drunk people sober.
  
• Friday was fun too!! (Although I almost got disowned by my brother for coming home late. 3 a.m.!!)
  
• Who knew pool was fun? And that some people do the para-para really well?
  
• Saturday was a little unexpected, but I had fun all the same. Watching Fastastic Four wasn't the fastastic thing we did that night though.
  
• However, accidents happen.
• I am ashamed to admit this, but I broke my glasses. (A first time for everything...)
• Officially no more pillow fights (unless I take off my glasses...).
• So today I went around blind.
• Forgive me, for I have sinned.
• Today I had chocolate fondue.
• And then I drank ice water.
• Please don't punish me.
• Please please don't make my cough worse.
• I've truly regretted my sins, I swear!
• I am already paying the price for the ultimate sin of pillow fighting, there's no need for me to die of cough.
• Oh, and my parents are coming back today.
• Pray people pray, that I do not get screwed for my glasses.
  

But we really should have more yesterdays.

love, joyce.

Erk

"..nightmares are not terrifying dreams,
merely unresolved problems.."

Dear lonely isle,

• Last night I had another weird dream.
• It goes a bit like this.
• Ok, there's this small town somewhere. It's pretty secluded and rather remote.
• The community of the town is a close knitted one.
• One day, somehow, there's this outbreak of vampire disease.
• You can tell who's been infected by looking at their teeth.
• The thing is, the people who've been infected, well, their aim is to bite those not infected.
• Our heroine, the girl who stabs the first vampire, leads the group of survivors.
• Armed with a pair of scissors in one hand and her glasses in the other (beats me how a pair of spectacles can get THAT sharp), our heroine goes off to fight a losing battle.
• Take note that all the spectacular special effects and wonderfully choreographed action-packed scenes cannot be described here. (Yes, my vocabulary is not sufficiently wide enough.)
• Take note too that most of the dream included those scenes.
  
• Things get rather tricky in the end when it's just down to four people.
• Three survivors (heroine included, duh) and one vampire.
• Thing is, the vampire's hunting them down one by one, until we are left with a lone survivor. La heroina.
• Anyway, in the end, the four remaining people are all sufficiently infected.
• However, before she was infected, our heroine had managed to contact the authorities about the matter.
• And now they face another threat.
• The Government.
• Trying to wipe them out.
• Well, basically, after all the explosive sequences, and death defying stunts, only the original vampire and the heroine succeeded in escaping.
• Our noble but infected heroine wanted to kill herself and the vampire by exposing herself to sunlight, and therefore ending the disease, but the vampire managed to talk her out of it, what with having a way with words and all.
• And the dream ended with the both of them looking at the world as a new place for breeding and infecting....

Oh dear.

love, joyce.

And They Lived Happily Ever After...

"..someday,
my prince will come.."

Dear lonely isle,

There are no happy endings in this world.
The only happy endings you find are those in your heart.
And the only happy endings you keep are those that you believe.
Because when you truly believe in your happy ending, no one can take it away from you.
The world is a harsh reality, and too seldom do miracles appear.
But so as long as you believe you see them, you will continue to see them, always.
We see what we want to see.
Some people call it denial, I call it bliss.
I have my happy ending.
It may not be true.
And it will probably never come true.

But I am not unhappy.

love, joyce.

Woe Is Me, Who Has Not Studied...

"..study, I must,
but my head feels heavy,
and my heart weak,
so thus,
I fall asleep.."

Dear lonely isle,

• I'm in trouble.
• Trials is less than a month away, and I haven't started studying.
• STPM is about 3 months away for that matter too.
• I'm doomed.
• Is it too late to start now?
• Even so, I must give it a try.
• But I can't seem to start.
• Oh dear.
• What am I to do with myself??
• Can someone please start studying?
• And invite me to watch?
• Please?
• I seriously need a drive to start.
• Soon.

Now, actually.

love, joyce.

Time The Healer, Mender,...Gluer

"..life is,
learning never to make the same mistake again.."

Dear lonely isle,

Sometimes stuff happens. And before you know it, you're running towards a wall. At full speed.
Hoping that the impact will release you from yourself. Once and for all.
But the truth is, life isn't easy. Even when it seems that everything is going all out to make life a living hell for you, maybe there's something to be learnt from all this.
Life is a hard teacher. And she doesn't give many second chances.
Be strong. Everything is a challenge. Everything is a test.
And even though sometimes we fall and fail, it is not the end.
We pick ourselves up, and we walk with even surer steps than before.
Sometimes, perhaps we would all be better off if we didn't have emotions. If we didn't feel.
Indeed, there are many times that I did not wish to feel.
But if we did not feel, then we would not be human.
Emotions do not define who we are.
It is human to feel, yet it is what we do with our emotions that define what we are.
I do not believe in hope. It is a dying wish unfulfilled.
I do not believe in faith. It is but a blind force.
I do not believe in love. Love is for fools, who live in better dreams.
But I believe in healing.
It is built into us.
And like our body, our heart will heal too.
In time, one day you'll find that the holocaust in your heart has been lifted.

And the sun will shine all the brighter.

love, joyce.

Hair Grows

"..a bit like a ball,
and rather round,
is the bob.."

Dear lonely isle,

• Today I did something which I probably shouldn't have done.
• I cut my hair. Again.
• And it's a bob haircut now. (can't say I'm crazy about bobs, but oh well, hair grows.)
• And after all, I'm not the one who's gonna be looking at me.
• That would be my poor friends. (who knows, if they start avoiding me and are reluctant to talk to me, I'll know it's the hair.)
• Anyway, my fringe is irritating me a bit. (but oh well, hair grows.)
• It'll grow out soon enough. (probably)
• But overall, I'm satisfied with my hair.
• I'm not too sure about my friends, but we'll leave that to tomorrow =p
• I like cutting my hair (universal fact).
• But after I do, I tend to wish that I didn't.
• But after awhile, I start to love it.
• Hmm..anyway when it starts to grow I get the itch to cut it again.
• But no worries. I insaf already. Will grow it long now.
• Come to think of it, that was what I had in mind when I decided to cut my hair.
• Because I wanted to grow it long I decided to even the length out a bit so that it wouldn't be so unruly when it grows longer.
• And so thus it became a bob.
• Weelll...at least Christine (sexiest gal ever) and Ann Gee (sexy too, just a lil shorter =) ) are now granted the opportunity no see me with gel/wax in my hair..

Hair grows. (good one Brian.)

love, joyce.

Me and the sexiest girl ever ^.^ 

Damned, Dead...And Still Smiling

"..awake but not living,
alive but not breathing,
asleep but not dreaming,
aware but not seeing,
adrift and not feeling.."

Dear lonely isle,

Why are humans granted emotion? Why does emotion define us? Why does having emotion make us human?
Emotions, feelings are messy, and depressing.
And because we feel, we hope. And we have faith. And we begin to believe.
I began to believe.
I did believe.
And once again I fall.
Maybe this time I'll hit rockbottom.
And break myself.
Shattering into a million pieces, and realising for the first time that existence is fragile.
That balance breaks easily, and before you know it, you've crossed over.
And then where do you go?
What do you do?
Looking at yourself, and wondering that was which once whole and now broken, is really you.
Watching with sightless eyes as ashes and dust rise with the wind, scattering all that I am.
And with a laughter that nobody hears, I shall be a fool once more.
A dead fool. No more. No less.
I have danced with folly, and sang with woe.
I have laughed with envy, and died with pride.
Does that define my existence?
Does that tell the world who I am?
Does that make me who I am?
Do I know who I am?
Yes. I do.
I'm a lost soul, a lost cause.

A dead fool.

love, joyce.

Awake, But Not Alive

"..wake me up inside,
call my name,
and save me from the dark,
bid my blood to run,
before I come undone,
save me from the nothing I've become.."

Dear lonely isle,

I want to wake up. I tell myself to stop living in dreams, and return here. To reality.
But still I stubbornly remain, contented with just being in denial. Living in my lies. So much so, I'm not too sure what's real and what's not anymore.
I surrender to sleep. I succumb once more to the lure of dreams.
And I go under once more. Feeling the waters of fantasy over my head, and seeing light in fragments, each a dazzling display of colour. And its beauty takes me over again. Overboard into the ocean and out of the rabbit hole.
To be buoyed by warm waves of calm, peace and bliss.
But I know, waking up will hurt.
Everytime, it just hurts more and more. Waking up into the world just gets harder everyday.
Sometimes I just want to sleep forever.
To go on, dreaming my life away.
To escape from this world, and enter another.
Crossing the line of sanity over into imagination.
But still every morning I wake up.
And still every day I tell myself to wake up.
And yet every night I dream.
The inconsistency drives me up the wall.
Why do we dream?
And because we dream, why must we wake?
Beacuse eventually, life cannot be absolutes.
Life isn't about absolutes. Nothing is plain black or white.

Because we live in shades of grey,
and dream of colours every night.

love, joyce.

Dreaming Again...And Again...And Again..

"..dream a dream,
and see through angel's eyes.."

Dear lonely isle,

I'm tired. There's just some things that drain you. The fact that it remains as it is isn't very encouraging. I just want to close my eyes and drift into sweet slumber, to let my subconscious take over, and lead me to another place. A place where everything's picture perfect, the place in my head.
But somehow, I'm afraid to fall asleep. I'm afraid to dream. I don't want to dream. I don't want to confuse myself anymore. I don't want to know what I think and feel deep inside. I don't want to wake up lost.
I don't want to spend waking hours trying to understand what I want. I know what I want.
It's just that what I want isn't the same as what I want inside.
Dreams are nice, I suppose. But that's all they are. Dreams.
And dreams they remain.
Dreams tire you out. They just take all that you have, and leave an empty shell behind. Hollow, and cold.
And at the end of the day, that's all we cling on to. Empty, meaningless dreams.
But they say that he who does not dream can never touch the sky.
I would like to touch the sky.
But it seems that even people who dream do not touch the sky.
So we sit on earth, and look up at the rainbow painted across the clouds.
And we wonder if there really is a pot of gold at the end.
We dream there is, but when we look, all that remains is the colourful smile in the sky, amongst clouds, forever mocking us, forever out of reach.
So how do we touch the sky?
How do we find that pot of gold?
Maybe if we spend more time looking ahead, then up in the clouds, we would have made our own pot of gold. Perhaps we would have learned how to fly, and brushed our cheeks against the clouds.
So, does he who dream touch the sky?
All I know is, he who does not dream,

does not see the sky.

love, joyce.

The Preciouses!!

"..to look but not to touch,

to see but not to read.."

Dear lonely isle,

• I'm so happee =)
• Today I went KLCC to buy books!!
• Yes, the babies are finally here!!
• Ahh...the satisfaction of having finished wrapping them.
• They look absolutely beautiful.
• Soon I shall have them all.
• All seven of them.
• However, it's rather sad that I can't read them yet.
• Yes, not yet. I have to put them away...
• I told myself I shall concentrate on STPM trials first. (yes, it's stupid. But we all must make sacrifices for our future =( )
• Alas, but to have them and not read them!
• It's like an art collector who has bought the Mona Lisa, but cannot look upon it yet.
• I want to read...
• But I know I shouldn't.

Not yet.

love, joyce.

I Love Him..I Love Him Not..I Love Him..Not?

"..if love never lasts forever,
what's forever for?.."

Dear lonely isle,

Last night I had a dream.
He held my hand and he said,

'I want us again, but I don't know if I can keep you,'

When asked what he meant, he said,

'I don't know if I can keep you in love with me."

And that woke me up. (not literally, as in, it just made me think.)
Somehow, it's true.
I don't know what makes me fall, and I don't know what keeps me falling.
And I don't know what makes me stop.

It scares me sometimes.

Why is it that some of us don't stay in love?

And no, the dream kinda 'hanged'....tergantung.

To be continued?

Maybe I'll find out tonight...

love, joyce.

First Things First...

"..truly, words spoken,
cannot be taken back,
and for that,
I'm sorry.."

Dear lonely isle,

As predicted, here I am, apologising.

I'm sorry.

If you're wondering, yes. I do many things at the spur of the moment, only to regret them later.
And yes. I also say things at the spur of the moment, only to regret them later.

And yes. There are people whom I do not talk to because of something either one of us said at that moment.
And yes. There are some whom I still do not talk to.

I'm sorry.

I was very irritated, and blogging seemed better than screaming to the person's face.

So, here goes again.

I'm sorry.

love, joyce.

AAARRRGGGHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!

"..I'll regret this,
but maybe not now,
I might apologise,
but for now,
I just want to scream.."

Dear lonely isle,

I need to scream.

In someone's face.

Now.

Why do people enjoy mocking me?
For all of you who think it's very funny, just thank god you are a friend.
Or maybe you should just not be a friend anymore so I can tell you exactly what I want.
To your face.
In your face.
It can be arranged.
I have said before, do not test my patience. Please.
What part of that do you not understand?
Or do I have to rephrase that with monosyllabic words?
Something you can understand.
Because clearly you don't.
You know what?

Whatever.
Just whatever you want.

love, joyce.

PS: tomorrow comes too slow....

The babies....so near, yet so far...=( 

Rodent Woes

"..O' rat, thy body is so small,
and thy innards even more so,
couldst thou be bigger?.."

Dear lonely isle,

• I know I've been hyper for a few days.
• But there's really no need to make fun of it.
• Tomorrow rat dissection.
• NUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU
• Damn I've got to learn to be more genteel with them rat entrails and innards.
• The problem is, I have got to learn to remember that we ARE given a pair of forceps, and to stop using my scissors to do its job (that would probably explain the broken intestines, I suppose....).
• Damn again, because I hate the diagrams.
• You know what?
• Attempt to cheat I shall.
• I'm gonna sneak in those bloody difficult diagrams.
• Pray that I do not get caught.
• Especially Ann Gee and Christine.

Beacuse if it works, you guys can do it too =)

love, joyce.

PS: 2 more days! =)

Cobaan...

"..do not think to tempt me,
or lead me astray.."

Dear lonely isle,

• I think I'm falling sick.
• But no worries, body immune system already kicking in. (I know Ann Gee, I know. Saying summore.)
• Gosh, who thought you could have back aches everywhere! (so technically, every part of me IS my back?)
• Anyway, I really have to start studying.
• But I can't seem to start.
• Hmm... as a matter of fact, it has been some time since I last bought a book...
• Maybe...?
• Perhaps...?
• Argh!! Don't tempt me!!
• OK.
• Can someone take me to Mid Valley?
• Please?
• There's something I really have to do.
  
• Some things are long overdue...
• I'm serious.
• Upon my oath (Scout's oath) I am not a lying person, this has nothing to do with my books.

So can we go?

love, joyce.

PS: 3 MORE DAYS!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *yay* =p

Tsk Tsk Tsk....

"..the devil finds work
for idle hands.."

Dear lonely isle,

Officially I am ashamed of myself.
I really am.
I'm right here, blogging, when there's maths homework calling me from afar.
But I pay no heed to its voice.
The call of duty doth fall on deaf ears.
So here I remain, and here I sit, ignoring pleas of guilt from deep inside.
Somehow I know I am ashamed.
I should be ashamed.
But I do not feel it.
Because deep inside me, I answer to another master.
A secret voice within.
When it commands, I must obey.
There I times when I am able to resist its charms, and stand strong about what must be done.
Other times...well, I am sitting here.
They say we are the masters of ourselves, but I beg to differ.
Some things are only marginally under my control.
As I said, the voice of command cannot be disobeyed.
So here I am, and here I'll possibly remain till it sees fit to let me go.

Indeed, to laziness I surrender.

Ignorance is bliss.

love, joyce.

Auld Lang Syne

"..we'll take a cup of kindness yet,
for times gone by.."

Dear lonely isle,

Why are there goodbyes?
Like the malay version of auld lang syne,

Bertemu dan perpisahan adat manusia biasa,
Hilang di mata tapi di hati takkan lupa,
Berdoalah kita agar aman dan sentosa,

Semoga kita berjumpa lagi di lain masa.

Perhaps the english version has more meaning...

Should auld acquaintance be forgot and never brought to mind?
Should auld acquaintance be forgot and days of auld lang syne,
For auld lang syne, my dear
For auld lang syne,
We'll take a cup of kindness yet,
For auld lang syne.

For auld lang syne.

For times gone by.

love, joyce.

The Perfect Moment

"..ever close your eyes,
ever stop and listen,
ever feel alive,
and you've nothing missing,
you don't need a reason,
let it all go on and on.."

Dear lonely isle,

I'm not too sure what's happening. I'm just feeling very happy.
A sunny warm feeling from deep inside, that just makes you smile in your sleep.
The blissfulness of being alive, here, and now, that life is really nice.
I suppose after a few weeks of moping and feeling miserable really makes you appreciate feeling good about yourself.
Right now, I'm living in perpetual sunshine.
Lying on my back on a sunny beach, just taking the day in.
Breath by breath.
Moment by moment.
And every second is as sweet as the last.
The day is beautiful.
It is the perfect moment.

I hope it lasts.

love, joyce.

Beautiful Day

"..I don't need the sunshine to be happy,
nor do I need a reason to smile,
today's going to be beautiful.."

Dear lonely isle,

This is for all my friends.
For the people who made life beautiful.

I hope, I love, I cherish, I care,
Because I know, you'll always be there.

I hope we'll grow old together one day,
And talk about now as if it were just yesterday.

I love your smiles, god bless that sweet line,
They make everyday seem so fine.

I cherish every moment we have together,
Not just for today, but for ever and ever.

I care about you, you care about me,
Maybe for now, maybe forever, who knows?
We'll see.

But I don't think I have to wait forever to know.
Sometimes, even one day is just enough.
To know you're here.

And that right now, at this moment,
you cared.

love, joyce.

Bloody Bloodsuckers

"..with fangs dripping blood,
an undisguised greed of hunger,
the mosquito strikes.."

Dear lonely isle,

As I've said before, I think someone up there doesn't like me.
And no, again it's not anything that lives in the attic. With the water tank.

• Last night all I wanted was a good night sleep.
• But it seems even that was denied.
• I was attacked last night. By mosquitoes.
• Bloody bloodsuckers.
• I was already asleep.
• But even in my dreams I dreamt that I was itching. All over.
• In my dreams I was scratching all over.
• In fact, I was itching so BAD I woke up.
• Me. Whom when asleep is dead to the world.
  
• And then I couldn't sleep again.
• Me.
  
• Because I was so itchy all over.
• My face felt swollen with bites.
• And I was scratching all over. (even my toes and fingers)
• So I turned on the lights.
• And guess what? 2 mosquitoes on the wall behind my bed. (bloody things)
• Whack! Whack! 2 less pests in the world.
• Then I went to wash my poor itchy face.
• It was red, and swollen.
  
• I was mortified.
• So I washed it. Then I went back to the room.
• And killed another 4 more mosquitoes. (omg!! Where are they coming from?!!)
  
• After that I didn't dare sleep in my own room so I went to find sanctuary.
• Jellybean and I went to my parents' room.
• That was 4 in the morning.

Insects. Me.

Some words just don't go together.

love, joyce.

Bagaikan Dikerat - kerat : My Aching Body

"..ache, pain, ache,
from the tips of my toes,
to the top of my head.."

Dear lonely isle,

• Today was Canteen Day.
• My shift starts at 12.00am-3.00pm.
• Somehow, again I find myself doing things I do not have to do.
• Like working at the stall from 8.00am-3.00pm. (haha, no I did not do anything else, or play any games. Heck I don't even know where the games stall for my class is!)
  
• But it was fun.
• My job was to sell ice lemon tea (which was a BIG hit by the way), but I did alternate between other drinks and food, sometimes doing a few at a go.
• Mann, we ran out of things TOO many times.
• Maybe that's a good sign, which means we sold a LOT (or bad planning? But 7 packs of ice in two hours?? We sold a lot.)
  
• If it's not ice, it's ingredients to make the ice lemon tea.
• Or not, it's the cups.
• Either way, there was a lot of hustle, bustle and general panic all around when we run out of things.
• And customers always seem to know when we are low in stock to come flocking around.
• It's always very risky, squeezing the last few ounces of lemon tea into a few cups, or minimalising the ice without compromising the quality of our products. (yes, we do keep quality control)
• And even at our worst, it is proven that we have tight quality measures, because the people we sold to, regardless of whether we are low in stock or not, actually come back many times to buy from us.
• We ask our customers from time to time the quality of food and drinks sold, and people come back again to buy, saying that it's very nice. (somehow that just made my day =))
• Even when we run out of things and are forced to apologise because we don't have anything to sell, and if they would come back later (when we have the stuff to resume), they actually came back.
• I am impressed.
• All in all, it was a typical day for my class.
• Because at any time there's work, there only seems to be about 10 people alive. (we have 24 in the class.)
• No doubt, yours truly is one of them ;p
• Despite popular belief, I actually do enjoy taking part in such things, and I do pull my own weight. (like when class spring cleaning comes around. I'm always doing windows..)
• Also, I would like to thank all my friends who took the time to come to school and drop by my stall.
• And to apologise for not being able to chat for long about anything beyond the weather, or even spend time with them because of working double shifts. (sorry, Haz, Jia Yee..)
• And also sorry for not answering calls, or replying messages due to sticky and busy hands. (sorry again..)
• Right now, I am feeling the after-effects of standing for too long (7.00am-3.00pm).
• My whole body is on strike.
• They refuse to move in any way and will scream in pain when forced to.
• The best position, flat out on the bed.
• Sleeping like you're dead. Hugging Jellybean.
• And to think we didn't count how much we made.. (it bothered me so much I dreamt we did count, and we made MORE money than 6B ;p)

A day well spent.

Now, for a night well slept...

love, joyce.

Unexpected, But Not Unpleasant

"..expect,
the unexpected.."

Dear lonely isle,

• Today I woke up with a rather clear vision of how today was going to be.
• It was going to be fun.
• But somehow, unexpected circumstances happened.
• We were supposed to have a sleepover (I love sleepovers!!), but then my parents came back (they weren't due till tomorrow).
• Anyway, what else to do but make the best of it?
• Today dinner was very amusing.
• I am so impressed by things the restaurant didn't have.
• The pizza was sold out (we went to Pizza vs. Satay).
• They didn't have any Pepsi (the cheating menu) or any sort of carbonated drinks whatsoever.
• I ordered orange juice. Me. (everyone knows that Coke runs through my veins)
• They did NOT have parmesan. (Pizza vs. Satay?)
• When questioned whether they ran out of flour (because there wasn't any pizza) we were given the LOOK.
• Ok, for all you budding waitresses, waiters, and salespeople out there, there are some things to be observed when serving in the service department.
• Rule 1 : The customer is ALWAYS right.
• Rule 2 : If customer is wrong, please refer to Rule 1.
• Somehow that waitress must have skipped work the day they were handing out proper manners.
• Anyway, after a rather disappointing dinner (Pizza vs. Satay never again), it was time to reinstate the fun.
• But then again, what do I know about the number of unexpected things today?
• Ann Gee had to go home early.
  
• So the rest of us again, made do with what we have.
• First, they wanted to snap photos of Jellybean (strictly no no people, Jellybean does not need publicity).
• Then we went to supper where we once again risked being ignored by ordering only drinks.
• When we grew tired of feeding mosquitoes, it was back to my house again.
• Then I discovered even more unexpected things.
• Like how there is no Sarah Ho, because Sarah Ho is none other than Christopher Ho.
  
• They are one and the same. (that would explain the splitting images they are of each other, and how Sarah looks strangely like Chris in long hair...)
• Also, to think after all those sleepovers and hugs and cuddles we've shared, Christine's real name is Abu.
• Yes, Christine is not really what she is, or even a she for that matter.
• Upon my oath I am not a sexist, but really.
• Conclusion: it is an unexpected day today.
• Unexpected.
• But not unpleasant though (I found out many things today).

And I even had fun along the way.

So it is a fun day after all.

love, joyce.

Butterfly Power? I Think Not..

"..playing, floating, dancing,
butterflies in spring,
covering the meadows,
and colouring the hills.."

Dear lonely isle,

• To everyone who knows me, it's quite obvious I'm terrified of butterflies and moths.
• Yes, it's true.
• Despite popular belief, they are not pretty.
• Pretty disgusting maybe.
• Just looking at one can make me cry.
• Heck, my nightmares are ALWAYS about butterflies and moths, all over me.
• It was horrible.
• Someone suggested that I be Mothgirl or Butterflywoman.
• Sorry, but it ain't coming true.
• One, unlike bat ears, antennae aren't very cool.
  
• I'll look more like the PlayGirl bunny thingy and that's not very scary. Good for laughs though. (talk about tickling criminals to death...)
  
• And no butterflies, not even for Halloween.
• Second, if I were Butterflywoman, I suppose blue and green kinda shows up the dark. (There goes the disappearing into/emerging from shadows thing.)
• But don't butterflies come out in the day? (NUUUUUUUU. Imagine going about in the morning when everyone can see you, in a butterfly suit...)
  
• Mothgirl is more practical, if I'm comtemplating scouring the forest for thieves and thugs.
• And butterfly and moth wings aren't very good for gliding (unless I take after a Rajah Brooke), so I'll probably have to flap very hard...
• My superpowers will include making you itch with powder from my wings (if I don't itch first...).
• Also, I can err...deceive you with the designs on my wings. (I'll look like two giant eyes?)
• When threatened, I turn into a cocoon (hmm, you and what string?).
  
• My sidekick?
  
• Anyone interested to be Caterpillargirl/boy?
• Or Pupahuman?
  
• Hmm...enter the Silk Mobile!
• Green, moving, inpenetrable, indestructable tank that you can metamorphorsize in (it might come in handy..).
• And my base operations is.....the Cocoon?
• Point is, this is all an absurdity.
• Not only will it NOT cure my fear, it will probably make me fear to look in the mirror (A life-sized butterfly?? That's gotta be worse than the tiny, insect-sized ones.)
• Really.
  
• To the person who came up with this suggestion, feel ashamed for lack of creativity.

Butterflies?

Spare me.

love, joyce.

Thank God For Brothers

"..I am strong,
when I am on your shoulders.."

Dear lonely isle,

Thank god for brothers. And all people who are willing to catch cockroaches for you in the middle of the night. After a bath.

• Remember El Maximus Disgustus?
• Apparently the tiny sucker wasn't done with ruining my day.
• First I was told that I do have a cockroach (courtesy of hardworking cheerleaders scouring the back alleys at night.)
• But then, bloody misfortune falls.
• My cockroach just had to break a leg. Legs, actually.
  
• And it so happens we MUST absolutely have perfect specimens.
• So what do you do? (Actually I sat around and moped first.)
• Thanks to a kind soul (Mich) who enlightened me about the possibilities of not failing my peka if and only if I get up off my ass, go out there and catch a cockroach, I decided on that course of action.
• Which turned out to be, er, Dutch courage of a sort, because I suddenly wake up sober at the thought of holding a net and actually catching the thing.
• So what do you do?
• Look for a hero.
  
• I went to beg my brother.
• After much persuasion and sad looks, he agreed (Yay!).
• Problem is, even with a net and plastic bag supplied by Ann Gee, I knew I was going to be of no use that night.
• I was right.
• I stood about two metres away from my brother at all times and watched him struggle with the plastic bag and net (which is smaller than a hankerchief, by the way) trying to catch brown, fast things in the dark, while mamak workers sniggered on. ( I was so terrified I didn't even notice them)
• The best part was when he handed me the plastic and I kinda squeezed.
• Thinking it was dead, my brother dropped the cockroach on the floor.
• Then it ran away. (Told you them buggers were smart!)
• When we finally caught the half squeezed thing, it was somewhere round nearly twelve.
• I am serious when I say that I am terrified of them things (I cried in the car when I had to hold the bag and the stupid thing started moving. And no, I'm not ashamed of myself. Neither am I buying that "to overcome fear, you must become fear" bullshit.)
• This was then, the hero of the day, Terence the Great, pulled over and let me drive, offering to hold the bag all the way home!
• Thank god for brothers. Who're willing to save you from your greatest fear and carry it all the way home.
• Tear-streaked and still in shock, my body worked on automatic all the way home, responding to driving instructions from my brother. (That's why we actually made it home safe.)
• It just made me reassess my brother that night, and put him in a different light, a light I haven't seen him in quite awhile.
  

I think it's a little sign, a reminder that this little sister is still loved after all.

love, joyce.

My brother *possibly one of his worst pics, it doesn't do him justice, but the only one I can find at the moment*