Campaign Status Report: Success (So Far)

"..no, I can't let you go,
you're a part of me now,
caught by the taste of your kiss,
and I don't want to know,
the reason why I can't stay forever like this.."

Dear lonely isle,

Things are going great :)
But I miss him.. Dammit, you just had to get yourself sick, didn't you?
But other than that, things are going great.
I hope they keep on being great..

Because given my track record, I really hope they do.

It's certainly different this time, or is this the disillusioned me speaking?
It certainly feels different though.

But you know what? I'm not going to think about this, because all I'll do is just give myself doubts.
And we don't want that.
No, we don't want that at all..

It's ok girl, one day at a time..

We'll make it through. This time. For real.

love, joyce.

Disillusioned

"..don't wanna wake up alone anymore,
still believing you'll walk through my door,
all I need is to know it's for sure,
then I'll give all the love in the world.."

Dear lonely isle,

If there ever was a time I felt the future to be uncertain, now would be it.
I've always imagined what it would be like to be loved, but I never thought that one day it might just happen. So maybe some part of me cannot accept this alien concept of being loved. So maybe some part of me doesn't believe it to be true.
When you're not sure of what you see, when you don't know what he's feeling, can you really determine if it's true?

I believe this. I know I do.
It's just some small part deep inside that doesn't really believe that this is happening.

I'm afraid to close my eyes at night, because I don't want to wake up and be told that everything's just a dream.
I don't want to go to sleep because I want to know that the now I'm living in is real.
And if it isn't, then I never want to wake up.

The only thing I'm certain of is the way I feel, and right now, I can tell you, I'm happy.
Just so extremely happy, I don't want this to end.

I'm sorry I'm so insecure.

love, joyce.

Patience Is A (Rewarding) Virtue

"..and if there's no tomorrow,
and all we have is here and now,
I'm happy just to have you,
you're all the love I need somehow.."

Dear lonely isle,

What do you know? Maybe things aren't as bad as you first envisioned them to be ;)
Okay, maybe the casualty list isn't piling up and the disasters seem to be avoiding me, but I'm not gonna expect it to be sunny all the way just yet.
But the weather forecast looks rather promising, or at least I don't think I'll be running into any unexpected thunderstorms just yet.
But then again, that's the thing about thunderstorms, they can be pretty predictable, but sometimes it can be awfully sunny when it suddenly pours. And I realise that it never ever rains, it always pours...

It's going to be quite the wait, and as everyone knows, I'm not a patient person at all.
But so far, I'm proving to be having quite some self-control and not giving up already, so who knows, maybe this time it's really different, especially if I'm willing to wait for it :)

After all, anything that good has definitely got to be worth the wait. :)

love, joyce.

I Am Extremely Stupid. I Realise That.

"..it's like a dream,
although I'm not asleep,
I never want to wake up.."

Dear lonely isle,

Sweet mother of Jesus (aka oh fucking lord), what the hell did I just do??????

What was I thinking? *banging head on wall*
I didn't think I was thinking..

Okay, what did I think I was doing? *bangs head even harder*
Following my heart..

Oh no, what have I done? *trying to kick self in the head*
Condemned myself..

Sometimes I think I have an extremely dumb heart. It's not very good at making decisions..
Worse still, it does what it wants all the time, without regard to the consequences tomorrow might bring.
Anyway, the damage is done, so I'll just sit back and wait for the casualty bill, and watch the disasters pile up...

Good god, if you do exist, spare me the heartache this time k?

love, joyce.

Breathless

The daylight is fading slowly,
but time with you is standing still
I'm waiting for you only
the slightest touch and I'll feel weak

I cannot lie
from you I cannot hide
I'm losing the will to try
can't hide it
can't fight it
so...

go on, go on, come on leave me breathless
tempt me, tease me, until I can't deny this
loving feeling, make me long for your kiss
go on, go on

and if there's no tomorrow
and all we have is here and now
I'm happy just to have you
you're all the love I need somehow

it's like a dream
although I'm not asleep
I never want to wake up
don't lose it
don't leave me

go on, go on, come on leave me breathless
tempt me, tease me, until I can't deny this
loving feeling, make me long for your kiss
go on, go on

and I can't lie
from you I cannot hide
I've lost my will to try
can't hide it
can't fight it
so...

go on, go on, come on leave me breathless
tempt me, tease me, until I can't deny this
loving feeling, make me long for your kiss
go on, go on

yeah, come on...

Breathless
The Corrs

gosh, wouldn't you wanna be as cute as me?

Yin Yin

Yin Yin on good days ^.^

Yin Yin on bad days...

what Yin Yin does everyday..

yea, the mating is definitely important.. 

Introducing Yin Yin, The Giant Panda...

"..sleep with one eye open,
gripping your pillow tight.."

Dear lonely isle,

I have a confession to make.
I think I need to sleep earlier.
As it is, I'm turning into a panda, and is very nearly completing my metamorphorsis.
Let's see:

• I already have the characteristic black rings. (check)
• Will soon adopt the cute cuddly body of a panda aka being really round and FAT. (getting there, what with being a garbage of society and all..)
• Is picky on food. (erm, check? Though I do not limit my diet to only bamboo, and neither am I a carnivore trying to survive on a herbivore diet..)
• Food supply is running out due to extensive logging and forestation. (possibly. I mean, maybe all the deer died out. But then again, is still able to live off poultry, beef and other domesticated animals. Except cats, dogs and various other pets that people don't usually eat.)
  
• Is in heat only for 3 days a year. (most definitely, utterly, and totally NOT. Ok, maybe that's one trait I cannot copy..)
• Does not hibernate in winter. (check. In winterless Malaysia, is able to hibernate at any time, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year. Will wake up for meals, toilet and social life though.)
• Spend most of time looking for food, in fact, so much time that everything else is put on hold, ie; looking for a mate. (erm, I think this one is a no. Food is important, but then again, so's mating ;p )

Ok, 5 out of 7 is bad.

I need to sleep earlier. Period.

love, joyce.

So Yesterday

"..laugh it off let it go and,
when you wake up it will seem
so yesterday, so yesterday,
haven't you heard I'm gonna be okay?.."

Dear lonely isle,

It's not gonna work.

love, joyce.

"..and I don't know why,
I can't keep my eyes off of you.."

I Am Stupid. I Realise That.

"..all of the things that I want to say,
just aren't coming out right,
I'm tripping inwards,
you got my head spinning,
I don't know where to go from here.."

Dear lonely isle,

Permission to speak freely?

I really don't know what am I doing. Or what I'm trying to do.
This was doomed to fail even before it began. And yet still I had to try, or at least, try trying.
The thing is, I don't know much about this, and indeed I'm quite the failure in this department, so I just daren't do anything. Fear of touching the matter in case something breaks.
Things have often broken in the past. I just didn't want it to happen again.
But, sometimes I go home and feel like using my head as a punching bag for being such an idiot. Nothing else quite catches the essence of pummeling myself for being so entirely and totally stupid. Something must really be wrong with me if I were to think that this might just work.

People are nice because they are.
People are nice because they are.
People are nice because they are.

And knowing that, just hurts.
Hurts like crap.

Just within reach, within sight, but never near enough.

Somebody shoot me.. and make sure I die.

love, joyce.

Sinfulness

"..and even if my house falls down now,
I wouldn't have a clue,
because you're near me,
and I want to thank you.."

Dear lonely isle,

The campaign has pretty much reached a stalemate. So let's not talk about depressing news, shall we?

Well, please forgive me, for I have sinned.
Gluttony took over yesterday and I found myself so full I could not breathe.
God knows the after effects of eating too much are already punishment in itself.
I feel bad everytime I think of poor people starving to death somewhere far far away, where nasi lemak does not present itself at every stall, and mamak is virtually unheard of. And here I am, being stuffed to death.

Surprisingly, even though I enjoyed the dinner, I found I enjoyed myself even more earlier that evening, (no offence to the birthday boy, who nevertheless was a good host and provided good food) though I can't say I'm surprised :P

And for reasons unknown, I seem to be suffering from a terrible back ache, even as I type this. I don't know why but it feels as if I would keel over and die any moment now.
And still, all I can think of is whether I should engage the target tonight.

*rolls eyes* There's no helping some people.

love, joyce.

PS: but seriously, I so need to get over this...

(No Comment)

"..I would fall asleep,
only in hopes of dreaming,
but nights like this it seems are slowly fleeting,
they disappear as reality is crashing to the floor.."

Dear lonely isle,

Well this war is going no where, or at least from where I'm standing I don't see anything significant. So, pretty much my campaign looks like a flop but still I'm trying.
Heh, you can't stop a fool from fighting a losing battle :)

It sounds silly even as I type this, and it certainly doesn't look like it's gonna get any better, but I don't really know what I'm doing anymore. I guess I just bob around from day to day, living one hour at a time, and not thinking about anything much except the next skirmish.
I guess winning campaigns were mapped out much better than this, and that the commander actually had a grand strategy, or a plan nonetheless. Makes you wonder how I fail eh?

My advisors tell me that subtlety is of the essence and that in everything I do, caution must be laid and having a general feel about the whole matter is important. All out battles are a no no I'm told. Rather, attacking and retreating and attacking and retreating seems to be in fashion now, and that I really should give it a try. But no one can tell me when it is I'm supposed to engage the target, before fleeing into the bushes once more. It comes naturally eh? So this is why my campaigns tend to fail...

It was an accident really, somehow I tripped, and then I fell, and then this mess pretty much came up to meet me.

I'm considering sending out kamikaze troops or perhaps joining the suicide bombers, but lets hold them till the last possible moment shall we? I'm not giving up on this yet.

Wish a soldier luck, will you?

love, joyce.

PS: if all else fails, I'll make a grand last stand...

You And Me...And Everyone Else.

Dear lonely isle,

Erm, well we return to where we were once again.
And again, I don't have answers.

Things seem to be going well, but no, that's not what we want. We want things to be great.

So what do we do?
I guess we'll leave it alone.

But ignoring it will not make it any better.

What day is it?
and in what month?
this clock never seemed so alive

I can't keep up and I can't back down
I've been losing so much time

cause it's you and me and all of the people
with nothing to do
nothing to lose
and it's you and me and all of the people
and I don't know why
I can't keep my eyes off of you

all of the things that I want to say
just aren't coming out right
I'm tripping on words

you've got my head spinning
I don't know where to go from here

cause it's you and me and all of the people
with nothing to do
nothing to prove
and it's you and me and all of the people
and I don't know why
I can't keep my eyes off of you

there's something about you now
I can't quite figure out
everything she does is beautiful
everything she does is right

cause it's you and me and all of the people
with nothing to do
nothing to lose
and it's you and me and all of the people
and I don't know why
I can't keep my eyes off of you

and me and all of the people
and I don't know why
I can't keep my eyes off of you

what day is it?
and in what month?
this clock never seemed so alive.

Life House
You and Me