Disillusioned

"..don't wanna wake up alone anymore,
still believing you'll walk through my door,
all I need is to know it's for sure,
then I'll give all the love in the world.."

Dear lonely isle,

If there ever was a time I felt the future to be uncertain, now would be it.
I've always imagined what it would be like to be loved, but I never thought that one day it might just happen. So maybe some part of me cannot accept this alien concept of being loved. So maybe some part of me doesn't believe it to be true.
When you're not sure of what you see, when you don't know what he's feeling, can you really determine if it's true?

I believe this. I know I do.
It's just some small part deep inside that doesn't really believe that this is happening.

I'm afraid to close my eyes at night, because I don't want to wake up and be told that everything's just a dream.
I don't want to go to sleep because I want to know that the now I'm living in is real.
And if it isn't, then I never want to wake up.

The only thing I'm certain of is the way I feel, and right now, I can tell you, I'm happy.
Just so extremely happy, I don't want this to end.

I'm sorry I'm so insecure.

love, joyce.