Dear lonely isle,
A month and a half has passed and still I'm not achieving what I hoped to achieve when I made my silent new year's resolution while watching fireworks on New Year's Eve.
I don't know how much further I've come in this struggle with myself, but I know in my heart it isn't very much. Who knew it was so hard to change yourself?
Okay, let's not use that word. Let's be a little bit more positive and say improve myself.
I don't know how much further I've come in this struggle with myself, but I know in my heart it isn't very much. Who knew it was so hard to change yourself?
Okay, let's not use that word. Let's be a little bit more positive and say improve myself.
Change does not happen overnight. It has to come from within.
Someone told me this.
Maybe that's why it's so hard to change what we are, our habits, our personalities, our temperament. Because all of these are part of our core selves that we project to the world. What we do stems from the kind of person we are, translated into an emotion or expression or a habit.
Just like how jealousy stems from insecurity.
Maybe I'm not doing this right.
Maybe it's because I don't want it enough.
Maybe I'm not feeling what I'm trying to make myself express.
I'm trying to change myself emotionally, mentally and physically.
But I don't know how to.
Everytime situation presents itself in a manner which I can choose between what I hope to be and what I am now. I fail.
And I can feel the guilt eating me up inside because I keep succumbing to how I feel.
I'm doing it again. I'm making empty promises.
Sometimes I just hate myself so much for being so weak.
Someone told me this.
Maybe that's why it's so hard to change what we are, our habits, our personalities, our temperament. Because all of these are part of our core selves that we project to the world. What we do stems from the kind of person we are, translated into an emotion or expression or a habit.
Just like how jealousy stems from insecurity.
Maybe I'm not doing this right.
Maybe it's because I don't want it enough.
Maybe I'm not feeling what I'm trying to make myself express.
I'm trying to change myself emotionally, mentally and physically.
But I don't know how to.
Everytime situation presents itself in a manner which I can choose between what I hope to be and what I am now. I fail.
And I can feel the guilt eating me up inside because I keep succumbing to how I feel.
I'm doing it again. I'm making empty promises.
Sometimes I just hate myself so much for being so weak.
With determination you can achieve anything.
Someone told me this.
Or is it that I do not have the determination?
Everytime I open my mouth about this I can just hear myself making more and more excuses for myself.
Sometimes I just can't even explain myself to myself.
Even I don't want to listen to what I have to say.
Tell myself I'd stop everyday, knowing that I won't.
I've got a problem and I.. don't know what to do about it
Even if I did, I don't know if i would quit.
But I doubt it.
If you really want this, something's got to give.
Someone told me this.
Maybe I just need to go back to where it all began. To the reason why.
Someone told me this.
Or is it that I do not have the determination?
Everytime I open my mouth about this I can just hear myself making more and more excuses for myself.
Sometimes I just can't even explain myself to myself.
Even I don't want to listen to what I have to say.
Tell myself I'd stop everyday, knowing that I won't.
I've got a problem and I.. don't know what to do about it
Even if I did, I don't know if i would quit.
But I doubt it.
If you really want this, something's got to give.
Someone told me this.
Maybe I just need to go back to where it all began. To the reason why.
I miss you.
Thank you for being so patient.
For waiting still.
I'm sorry I'm still here.
For waiting still.
I'm sorry I'm still here.
love, joyce.
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