Sunday, March 12, 2006

The Most Worthless Person

Dear lonely isle,

I'm just too tired.
And I just don't understand.
Am I so stupid that everything I say has to be crap of some kind?

I don't understand why I can't just complain or whine about something.
I've listened to lame stories, stupid dilemmas and crappy experiences all in the name of friendship. Stupid things that really seem worthless to me. No matter how stupid or small the problem is. No matter how lame I think it is. Because I don't want to offend people. Because I fucking care. Because I know that after that you'll feel better. That you can smile again. So I listen, because I understand that sometimes you just need to complain. That everyone needs to vent once in awhile. And they want someone to respond. To tell them it's alright, that everything will be ok and that has got to be the worst experience ever and that no one is ever as unlucky as you. And that they need cheering up.

Why can't the fuck I get the same?

Why can't I ever complain or just vent without ever getting a "it's just..." , "too bad then." or a " I've had worse."? I mean I understand that most of the population today have probably been through World War 2 which is why everything I ever say is so insignificant that no one ever notices.
Why can't I ever express myself without getting fucking pissed by people who think that they're telling the truth as it is? And people wonder why I don't explain things or don't tell them things. I would, if you would listen.

People always tell me I look happy. That I have a positive outlook on life. That being around me makes them feel better because I can make them feel better.

Sometimes, just sometimes, I need to feel better too...

I guess I really need to hear those magic words.
Words often spoken. Words I tell everyone who needs to hear it. Because I know that we all need them once in awhile.
Funny, but I hardly ever hear it.

But then again, I guess I'm just not worth it. Not worth listening to. Not worth comforting. Not worth any damn thing but always there should you need to complain.

Just forget about it I guess. I'll just complain here. And listen to the silence.

love, joyce.

PS: please don't comment on this. I've had enough as it is. I don't need to listen to more "too bad"s, "that's life"s , "you can't expect everything to go smoothly"s, "it's just.."s, "why are you overreacting?"s, and whatever shit you people can dish up. Just spare me the fucking smart remarks k? Didn't your parents ever teach you that if you don't have anything nice to say, just shut up? Oh yes I forgot, you're all claiming to be fucking bitches and bastards, so that's your excuse to be offensive to the world.