Day Eight

"..are you desperate to find something more

before your life is over?.."

Dear lonely isle,

Sometimes you feel the dread of the confrontation even before it happens.

Conflict solving, regretfully, isn't one of my strong points.

The weight of the problem hangs on your shoulders, but yet you daren't unload it, for fear that it may cause a dent, or worse yet, a hole in the floor.

And everyone'd have to stand around staring at the hole feeling awkward for a few days while you wait for the repairmen to come and fix it.

But at the same time, you wonder why is it so hard to face.

And sometimes, you find help when you didn't expect it, in the last place you thought of looking.

And you are grateful.

To say that I am worried is probably an understatement.

It's ironic how we were always told to do what we didn't want to, or what we should do, even if it made us unhappy, because it was 'for our own good', and then growing up and learning that you shouldn't do it anymore. As a matter of fact, you should go as far as to do what you want to do, and make yourself happy (within reason an without hurting others, of course).

The inconsistency, or should I say, the breaking of the routine, the normal, the consistent, is driving me up the wall. Even worse because its a state of being, a mindset.

It was always what I should do, rather than what I want to do.

Now, I'm revising that line of thought.

It took a long time to get here.

Now that I am here, I'm left wondering what can I do.

And more importantly, am I making a mistake?

Love, Joyce.