Friday, February 17, 2006


"..looking at the pages of my life,
faded, memories of me and you,
mistakes I know I've made a few

Dear lonely isle,

That day when I was trying to destress before sleeping (I hope it'll shoo away the nightmares..), I was looking for a book to read, after singing didn't help. And I stumbled upon my little book of complaints.
Yea, I used to have one before I learnt to tell other people about things. And yea, my blog is my new book of complaints except that it isn't as private as it used to be.
It's a small maroon hardcover book that used to be my salvation everytime I felt that things could never be all right again. I would scribble away in cursive because that helped me to focus more on what I was writing and basically as a way to relieve the stress, as opposed to screaming. So yea, the writing is pretty horrible, because I was kind of stressed at times. The uglier and more unreadable, the worse I was feeling at that time..
And well, since I didn't really have anything to do then, I decided might as well have a good laugh before I went to bed.
So I chose a random page and started reading. It was always the same. I would start with marginally readable writing and by the time I reached the third page I was already guessing half the words... To think I can't even read my own writing..
Some were quite long as I had a lot to whine about and some were pretty short because I was too pissed to write I think.
I can say I rediscovered a lot of things yesterday. I found out that I can be very irrational and there were some entries that made me mark myself down as 'paranoid, verging on psychotic'. Most of it is when I'm pissed, or sad. Well it's my guess that a lot of things made me sad, which is why I had so much to write about. And a lot of things probably made me very pissed too, which is why all of you know me as an easily agitated person who is also easily annoyed and irritated. Yea I guess I'm pretty bad tempered.
Well some entries were kinda funny because I write about stupid things, and some reminded me of how sad I was at times. But it's good to keep things like this, because I have a bad memory, and half the things that happened are but just vague figures in my mind.
And yea, there were some things I said that just doesn't bear repeating here because you'll never know how offensive you can be until you're alone.

Makes you think eh?
What is it that people think when they're alone?

love, joyce.