something i think i should get.... 

Sinners, Sheep, and Self-preservation

"..dont' go chasin' waterfalls,
please stick to the rivers and the lakes that you're used to,
I know that you're gonna have it your way or nothing at all,
but I think you're moving too fast.."

Dear lonely isle,

Forgive me for I have sinned.
I have erred.
Forgive me for I have commited that which I should not.
Forgive me mine foolishness and wipe away my stain, so that I may be redeemed and whole once more.
Cleanse the soul so that it may once again be pure.
Give the ailing heart a reason so that blessed it will be once more.
Grant peace and salvation unto me.

Humans are sinners. It's the way we were possibly made.
If we're lucky, we might just happen to live a life that isn't quite that sinful, but for many of us, truly we need to be saved.
Like lost sheep that venture the wilderness, we turn on ourselves, finding that meat tasted better, we became cannibals and ate our own kind, forsaking the bland taste of grass and wheat, embracing the wild, sweet forbidden meat.
Truly, we seemed to have evolved into dogs.
We chew the occassional bone when we have to, but nothing satisfies like a huge, raw steak.
And what could compete with the craving of sinking our teeth into another of our kind?
Dog eat dog world indeed.
Eat, or be eaten. Kill, or be killed. (Nevermind you don't like how it tastes. Your opponent probably never tried anything more flavourful than carrot. But that's not the point.)
Carnivore, vegetarian, humanitarian or no, there's just something in us that tends to herd us towards our own destruction.
Consider the facts we learn in biology. Every species that lives, has among other things, a main purpose in life. Get born, get bigger, get laid, get offspring, get dead.
Ok. Maybe not the get dead part, but the rest is pretty much the same.
They lived to propagate. To produce offspring for the continuation of the species. Anything to ensure that the future generation exists, nevermind if it may become competition later and have to be killed. Self-preservation is important after all. But the bottomline is, you did your duty.
But the thing about humans is, we somehow developed a brain, which lead to people like this, and blogs like this in which yours truly is typing out obscene gibberish in the hope unravelling the true mystery of mankind. Or maybe the reason why we live. Or why we have a brain. It doesn't matter.
The thing is, we think too much. And with thinking, what starts our as a plan to ensure our survival; building better houses, growing larger crops, building nuclear bombs to protect ourselves, etc, etc, etc; we somehow divert along the way, and accelerate full speed ahead in the direction of our destruction, ie. nuking the neighbouring country for looking at us in a threatening way. (Note that in some aspects we are pretty much like our 'unthinking' cohabitants on this earth, when we turn something in the nature of continuation of the species into something of the continuation of our own survival. Truly, self-preservation is built into us. But I'm getting ahead of myself here, we'll return to this soon.)
As I was saying. We follow the logical thinking of humans.
I live to propagate my species. I live to pass on my genes to the next generation. I live so that would be a next generation. Therefore, it is vital that I live.
For if I did not live, where would they come from?
Truly, the instinct for self preservation is strong within us.
But when our instinct for self preservation leads us to self destruction, truly, I stand in awe, there is nothing more amazing, or more ridiculous than humans.
We started off rather well, being primal and all. Then we developed philosophy, which lead to other things like education and thinking, and then we end up like this.
So, first we knew we had to propagate. Then we realised that to propagate, it is vitally important to look out for number one. Then it dawns on us that to do that, we must eliminate current competition. It just so happens everyone else thought about that too.
Ok so maybe not everyone of us is out to kill our neighbours and potential rivals, but somehow, as a whole, humanity seems to like jumping off cliffs, running away from the plague that hasn't arrived yet.
You could say we dug our own grave. I mean, it's not like you can trust anyone to do it better.

So maybe what's wrong with us is that I've been thinking too much.
Guilty as stated, really. I've just handed over the proof.

Yes, yes, I know I should go find something better to do with my time then to type silly things like this...

love, joyce.

Zzzzzzzzzzzzz... 

beyond the gate..  

~ roy mustang ~

brotherly love 

~ edward elric ~

~ alphonse elric ~

~ the Elric brothers ~

Circle Of Life

"..I watch the heavens and I find a calling,
something I can do to change this moment,
stay close to me, while the sky is falling,
don't wanna be left alone,
don't wanna be alone.."

Dear lonely isle,

Let's see. Your life is going nowhere. The future ends with a dark cliff overlooking a deep chasm and for the life of you you cannot tell if there is a bridge linking the present you to the bright clear mountains in the distance.
It's also dark, stormy and sufficiently depressing. No moon, no stars, no sky in sight. The sights are covered in cloud, fog, mist and god else knows what.
So. The burning question: What do you do?
It seems I've been asking this question quite a bit lately. And no, I'm not getting any replies, which is probably why I go on asking them again and again.
Even so, if there were replies, how would you know which is the right answer?
Which is the true path? Who gives the certain answer? No. More correctly, who gives the answer to the right ends? Which answer leads us there?
Again. No answers.
That's life. You live day to day without knowing what tomorrow will bring. Everyday is yet another question, another quiz, another test against our decision-making skills. Not knowing how today's answer will affect tomorrow's life.
And every mistake you make, rests on your shoulders.
The thing is, you'll never know when your next decision will become your next mistake.
It's a game. An adrenaline-inducing game. Where the fate of yourself and everyone you know and don't may very well rest in your hands, in the very choice you make.
There are no rules save one. Live today, to decide tomorrow.
So everyday we wake up and make our choices. Most of us play it safe, and make the same choices everyday.
But nothing is foolproof. Because not everyone makes the same decisions everyday. And should paths cross, something happens. For good, for bad, it's not important.
The only thing that matters is you live another day. Come tomorrow, we will decide once again.
Funny, but we never really realise how much power we have in our hands. Nor are we fully aware of the responsiblities and consequences that come with such enormity.
Half the time we don't even know what we are doing everyday. We tend to get lost living in the moment too often to realise.
And so we come a full circle.

And people wonder why the earth spins on it's axis. Everyday. Why does the sun set, and rise. Everyday.
Because, everything, eventually, comes a full circle.

And every decision you make will come back to bite you in the ass one day.
And that's a promise.

love, joyce.

A Girl's Life

"..and it hurts to want everything and nothing at the same time,
I want what's yours and I want what's mine,
I want you,
but I'm not giving in this time.."

Dear lonely isle,

You keep giving till you've got no more.
Then what do you do?
Continue to empty yourself?
What do you do?
Things happen. That's how they start.
Then further things happen.
Then they end.
Then so it begins, all over again. A cycle of things.
Even though sometimes we don't see the pattern, we can tell it repeats. Life is a series of repeats.
I don't know when I start. Or even why.
But it begins.
Then it goes on for a while. I say awhile because I cannot predict how long it will continue.
And then, suddenly, like how it came, I realise it's no longer there.
I don't know when it stopped. I don't know why.
So the cycle continues.
Some people don't stop. Others don't start.
What makes us go? What makes us stay?
What makes me unable to comprehend myself?
Maybe now I know. Maybe I think I know, but in actual fact, I still haven't got a clue...
So the best is to leave things be. I find that works best.
Just ignore it. Leave it alone and it'll go away by itself soon enough.
Do nothing about it, and no one gets hurt.
That's what it's all about, isn't it?
So no one gets hurt.
It comes. It makes my life miserable for a time. It has its fill of my misery. Then it leaves.
It comes. It bothers me. It leaves.
Simple, no?
Foolproof, yes?
Exactly.

I always knew I was quite bright.
But it never hurts to be sure.

love, joyce.

Wo Pu Hui Jiang Hua Yi....I'm That Sad....

"..and all I wanna hear is the message beep,
my dreams they come a kissin',
cause I don't get no sleep.."

Dear lonely isle,

No, I'm still not sleeping. Now I'm not eating as well.
Yes, the list of bad habits continue to grow, but what philosophy will I tie my eating habits to?
Sorry for the disappointment, but there are none. There are limits to the absurdity of my sick perverted mind.
The reasons why I'm not eating are probably because, I actually need to get thinner. (and apparently not eating will help) Also, probably because I don't feel like eating.
But then again, maybe it's because of the first reason that I don't feel like eating.
Anyway, it seems that I will not work.
Yes, Joyce the Lazy is at it again...
Speaking of which, I just recently watched the show Alexander. (think Collin Ferrel in mini skirt...rushing off to war...)
Goddammit, greeks are cool.
They make war in miniskirts.
They prance around in togas.
Women are for breeding purposes only.
It's one hell of a gay community.
Everyone has a toy boy, or a gay partner of some sort.
It's good to be a guy. Back then.
Alexander the Gay. You rock.
Back to what I was saying. Really, you shouldn't let me get sidetracked like that....
I am not going to work (or so I say now...). I'm going to learn mandarin =)
Yea, come check it out in about a month or 2....I hope this works....
But first of all, I need to find a place to learn mandarin...
But we'll see...we'll see.

Mandarin-speaking me? I don't know...

love, joyce.