Sunday, December 04, 2005

True Beauty

"'re beautiful,
you're beautiful,
it's true,
but I never want to be with you

Dear lonely isle,

In form 5 I was once asked to write an essay on a memorable experience, one I would not forget. I wrote that I was a finalist in a beauty pageant. Miss Universe to be exact. And while nothing could be further from the truth than me participating in the contest as a contestant, I repeat, a contestant, much less even getting into the top 3, just bear in mind that it was an essay.
And no where was it stated that it had to be true.
I can understand how everybody wants to be a beauty queen. Indeed, even queens want to be beauty queens.
However, I understand that the world is a place of disappointments, and we were all made different, and we are all special and beautiful in our own way, and that beauty is in the eye of the beholder, yada yada yada, blah blah blah, etc, etc... we've heard it all before.
Even so, shouldn't beauty pageants be about beauty?
Heck, if you're talking about inner beauty, then we're obviously not talking about the same thing here.
But nope, beauty wasn't enough. Someone said, "Why can't we have brains too? Oh and while you're at it, might as well throw in some compassion and a pledge for world peace."
And thus, the current famous answer to most pageant questions is, 'World peace.' Smile. Nod. Smile. Repeat if the buzzer hasn't sounded yet.
As the years roll by, somehow, we do get brains with beauty. They seem to appear more and more often these days though. Must be the rolling tide of education, and womens' rights to attaining them.
However, yesterday, when I was watching a pageant of some sort, it occured to me that that was probably some kind of scam. Nevermind what scam it was. I saw no point to it.
Even more surprising was the way it was judged.
Try as I might, I cannot tell how they judged it.
It was a Miss Oriental Pageant of sorts. Or some chinese thing or other.
For a chinese pageant, the only thing chinese all the contestants agreed on was the name.
Most didn't look chinese. And fewer could speak chinese. One spoke russian.
The common ambition for the night was 'to become a famous actress/singer/model'.
And everyone's greatest dream was to 'tour the world'. Thumbs up to the one who said she would do it with a loved one. Creative genius.
And at the end of the night, looking at the 3 finalists, I can surmise that it definitely wasn't judged on beauty neither was it judged on brains. Even less so was it judged with brains. Maybe there were brains involved. There either wasn't very much of it, or it wasn't used.
Another thing I must comment on is the stage. It was decorated with a larger than life version of what must be a rafflesia. No other flower looks quite like that. A stinking, huge, parasite. The symbol of beauty.
Even more surprising is, rather than annoucing the winner of the night, they made the top 9 finalists pour some water into a glass of red-looking goo.
As they took their turn one at a time, an ugly digital bud appeared at the side of the screen.
This was the Great Idea: If the flower blooms when you pour the water, you are our new Miss Whatever Whatever 2005.
Never mind which eejiot came up with the idea, may he be forgiven for having the intelligence of a rock.
*gasp!* How insulting!
Yes, yes, I agree. I've known some rather intelligent rocks...
Anyway the flower that was supposed to bloom at the touch of love from the 'true' beauty queen that night was a rafflesia. The stinking parasite. The symbol of beauty.
Truly, what a novelty.
Needless to say most contestants were stick thin and rather dumb girls. (except the one from Thailand. She definitely looked rather male to me...)
Most could tell left from right, not including those that messed up the dance.
And truly, what a dance it was. My deceased great-grandmother could have done it in her grave.
Let's see, it went like this.
1. lift up arms
2. wiggle arms
3. walk to the left
4. walk to the right
5. repeat steps 1 to 4 facing all four corners of the room. One at a time. You get to pick whether you would like to turn anti-clockwise or clockwise. Just don't do both at the same time.
They had the previous winner from the year before to crown the new queen (what? the scam's been going on for years??).
Once again, I can see why this year's queen was chosen.
The ex-queen would walk to one end. Pose. Tell the audience 'no thank you' with an arm gesture. Walk back to the other end. Repeat arm gesture.
Really. Was it that hard to learn how to wave?
And then I see the top 3 finalists.
All 3 who express 'no thank you' after receiving their crowns, robes, flowers, suchlike.
While smiling of course.

It was the one thing they all did do.

Nevermind they didn't do it right.

love, joyce.