Closure

"..do you ever think when you're all alone,
all that we could be, where this thing could go?
am I crazy or falling in love,
is it really just another crush?.."

Dear lonely isle,

Today I close a chapter of a part of my life. Finally.
The memory is an old one, but its one that I haven't been able to let go. Until now.

Pages so dry and dusty, you'd hardly think they'd bring so much warmth when you return to the bookmark you left there all this while. The bookmark you kept returning to every now and then.

The spidery writing has all but faded, but still the words mean so much. Somehow.

And yet somehow, because you've found the missing portion of the ending, it doesn't matter so much anymore. Because there's no more mystery to uncover.

And yet, somehow, because it's finally complete, it means even more than it did before, because you now know how it ends.

It was not the ending you had hoped for, but it was an ending you could not hate.

Like a detective on an unsolved case for decades, you find it hard to let go, and yet at the same time, easier than you had imagined it to be. It's a bittersweet feeling of nostalgia, melancholy, and respite. It tugs at your heartstrings, yet it feels good.

Like a sick man finally dying, you find release at the end of prolonged death, and you quite don't know whether the tears you shed are of sadness, happiness or just pure relief.

As you take one last look at the story you could not finish on your own, you can't help but to smile, that your one last question was answered, even though it was not the answer you expected nor hoped for.

That the hero came back, and he filled in the words in the empty blanks. And gave you closure.

Thank you for what you did tonight. I can't even begin to tell you how much it means to me.

The piece of ribbon that marked the page was finally removed, no longer needed to guard the page it was entrusted. There was no need for a reminder anymore, when an indentation still remains, like the happy memories you keep.

It's just nice to know, something special happened.

love, Joyce.

You've Got Mail

Sometimes, life even delivers you love.

Right to your mailbox.

Thank you, Mr. Postman.


And to you, you lovable, lovable boy,
you have impeccable timing.

I love you.

Change of Heart

"..who knows what miracles
you can achieve when you believe.."

Dear lonely isle,

Sometimes life throws you curve balls.
So you learn to dodge them.

Sometimes, life is generous and throws you sweets.
So pucker up and suckle the honey.

Sometimes, life feels magnanimous, and offers you choices.
So you follow your instincts and pick the wrong one.

Sometimes, no matter what life does to you, life can never go wrong,
so as long as you always think right.

I've never felt that I made a wrong decision. Ever. Because I always believe the decisions I make are right.

Someone once told me that. I'm still pondering if its true. But I'm starting to believe it is.
The only time you've ever made a mistake, was when you started to doubt yourself.

If you think you can, you usually and almost definitely can.

I've heard that one more times than I can remember. And it really is true.
If you believe you can move worlds and make a difference, you usually can.

Behold the power of the mind. What is life but mind over matter?
What is living but a series of cumulative experiences to fuel the soul?

Maybe that's why winners will always be winners. Because they've never felt like they lost.

Everywhere we turn, positivity and self-help books are multiplying like a bad case of bacteria in the gut. Somehow, changing the way you think, changes everything.

Its the way you perceive, that makes all the difference.

Or does it?

What if life always deals you bad cards, like a rigged poker game NOT in your favour?

When you've always been looking down, it's quite hard to look up, because your neck's gone stiff.
And besides, take your eyes off of your feet for just one moment and you get your steps tangled up.
And then suddenly the ground comes up to meet you.

It's quite hard to see anything else when you're lying face down in mud.

Sometimes, when you've tripped over your left foot one too many times, you'd want to stay down.
And just be left alone.

But what is life if we don't fall down? The wise Alfred once said, why do we fall down, Master Bruce?

So that we learn to pick ourselves up again. And again. And again.
And somehow in the midst of the repetitiveness we learn that we will always keep falling down.
And that we will always be able to get back up. Because once you get over the scrapped knees and bruises, its not so hard after all.

It's unbreakable, the human spirit. The wanting to reach out, break free, touch the heavens, steal fire-it's human nature.

Just like curiosity is man's curse, trying is man's blessing.

I'm so glad I kept trying.
Giving up is not something I've had the courage to do.

Today is a good day.
Maybe there are still rewards for the faithful in this world.

love, Joyce.

Black Heart

"and I began to believe,
that the consequences of your actions really are just a game,
that your life is just a chain reaction taking you day by day.."

Dear lonely isle,

There are some days you retreat into the shell that is yourself and try to hide inside the tiny hole in the wall.
There are some days the world feels so unpleasant you wish you didn't grow up.

Virtues that we learn through bedtime stories, values we see in our parents, all the things you were taught when you were a lot shorter and a lot happier, you keep in your heart. Like well-wishes to keep you going, prayers to keep you safe, principles to see you through in life.

But as you adapt to the gray, smoky air which is our world, you wonder how you could have ever thought the sky was blue. Like obsolete computers and Nintendo games consoles from the past, you find the treasures in your heart have long been cast aside by society. Virtues you keep and uphold have no place in the world.

Because there is no such thing as truth or justice or mercy in the world. You can grind the world into the finest dust and examine every atom, but you will not find a grain of truth, or an ounce of justice.

They are lies we tell ourselves, and later on, to our children, with the hope that they will grow up into the kind of world and the kind of person we wished was and that we could be. We sometimes try, stubbornly, to stand against the corrupt of society, like a rock stands against the beating waves on the shore. And like the rocks we find ourselves slowly eroding with time, until we are nothing more than pebbles on the beach.

Maybe that's why we love heroes, because they represent everything we wished we were, and that virtues are not just myths of the generations past. The people who're bigger than they are, with a heart for everyone else. But there are no heroes in the world. Not the perfect ones we hope for, anyway. There is no Hercules to fight the three-headed demons of our time, and like the myth we know so well, chopping off one head just brings to life another. There is no end to vice, corruption and the stinking, repugnant, contamination of the earth known as mankind and society.

There are no rewards for the soul who lives by virtues, because there are no consequences for those who don't. There is no redemption at the end of the journey, or salvation at the end of life. Despite what faith may tell us to believe, sometimes you can't help but to know better.

And like the bitter person you are, you can't help but to feel foolish at the notion of trying your best, because the only person it matters to, is yourself. The world works on a different system that what we believe, where the only winners are those who dare to take all, and those who start running before the whistle blows. There are no rules in the world, save for the ones you make yourself. And who's to say you're better off living by them, than those who break and bend all the ones they come across?

The world is one rotten oyster indeed.

And I can't help but to feel frustrated opening it, even though I noticed the smell.

Tomorrow is another day I find so hard to get through.

love, Joyce.

Love Story

We were both young when I first saw you
I closed my eyes and the flashback starts
I'm standing there
on a balcony in summer air

see the lights, see the party, the ball gowns
I see you make your way through the crowd
and say hello
little did I know

that you were Romeo, you were throwing pebbles
and my daddy said, "Stay away from Juliet"
and I was crying on the staircase
begging you, please don't go

and I said

Romeo, take me somewhere we can be alone
I'll be waiting, all there's left to do is run
you'll be the prince and I'll be the princess
it's a love story
baby, just say yes.

So, I sneak out to the garden to see you
we keep quiet cause we're dead if they knew
so close your eyes
escape this town for a little while

cause you were Romeo, I was the scarlet letter
and my daddy said, "Stay away from Juliet"
but you were everything to me
I was begging you, please don't go

and I said

Romeo, take me somewhere we can be alone
I'll be waiting, all there's left to do is run
you'll be the prince and I'll be the princess
it's a love story
baby, just say yes,

Romeo, save me
they're trying to tell me how to feel
this love is difficult, but it's real
don't be afraid, we'll make it out of this mess
it's a love story
baby, just say yes.

I got tired of waiting
wondering if you were ever coming around
my faith in you is fading
when I met you on the outskirts of town

and I said

Romeo, save me
I've been feeling so alone
I keep waiting for you, but you never come
is this in my head
I don't know what to think.
He knelt to the ground and pulled out a ring

and said

Marry me, Juliet, you'll never have to be alone
I love you and that's all I really know
I talked to your dad
go pick out a white dress
it's a love story
baby, just say yes.

'Cause we were both young when I first saw you..

Love Story
Taylor Swift

I just love happy endings :)
Songs with happy endings make me happy.

It's 5.30am and I'm a bit nuts right now.
I'm going to watch the sunrise :)
(Not voluntarily of course...)
And I'll probably miss it, because I keep staring at the computer.

Midnight Thoughts

Dear lonely isle,

I want to wake up to sunrises, and fall asleep watching sunsets.
I want to wake up with him by my side, and fall asleep holding his hand.
I want to wake up to the smell of fresh coffee and fall asleep after a full dinner.
I want to wake up feeling like I rested, and fall asleep after a fulfilling day.
I want to wake up with a mind like bright sunlight, and fall asleep thinking of the stars.
I want to wake up with a sole purpose for the day, and fall asleep knowing it is done.
I want to wake up with a smile, and fall asleep seeing his.

I want to go home.

But some wishes are too far away, and will remain desires.
For now.

But some hopes are too far off, and will remain dreams.
Nothing more.

But all are longings deep within the heart, a hunger that cannot be satiated.
A wish that cannot be granted.
A hope that cannot come true.


But you can't always have what you want.


As I miss sunrises and sunsets in my days, I wonder what is the purpose of a window;
I hardly look outside anymore.

The days come and go like shadows, creeping in dark corners like things that shy from the sun, unnoticed. Time feels insubstantial, save for the rhythm of heartbeat, a reminder of the sands that pass from present into past. Still, everything remains motionless, like the gray portraits of ancestors, choke-filled with dust and stitched with cobwebs. Still, the pile of labour to be toiled refuses to lessen, yet the marching of the days cease to stop.

I think, I'm pretty sick of my life.
Right now.

But enough's enough, ain't it?
It's time to stop whining.


The work isn't going to get itself done and hand itself in.


Just wish my leg could detach and kick my ass.

Love, Joyce.

Rainclouds

"..My tea's gone cold, I'm wondering why I
got out of bed at all.
The morning raincloud's up my window,
and I can't see at all.
Even if I could it'd all be gray, but your picture on my wall
it reminds me,
that it's not so bad,
it's not so bad.."

Light Troubles

Dear lonely isle,

Damn I so got to get one of this.
You plug it into your computer.
Press the button in the center, wala~ and then he said 'Let there be light'.

Looks so cute right? I thought it was a mouse at first.

With the light switched on. But you can hardly see it right?
Hold on, let me get the lights.

Hehe, kinda okay right? :P

Very useful especially for people like me that wake up in the middle of the night to do work. Ever since roomie's table lamp broke down we've been searching for a replacement. You see, we've become pretty dependent on the damn thing. Now, its absence aggravates both of us.

When I stay up to do my work, I need the lights. Roomie who sleeps early has trouble sleeping with the light on. When I finally get into bed, roomie who wakes up at the crack of dawn (sometimes before) switches on the light to do work, which wakes me up >.>

So, while we're still looking for another, I guess the borrowed lamp from Bee Bee will have to do :(

We still haven't found a new one yet, because anything with warranty is too expensive, while anything cheap enough doesn't come with warranty. Which is not a good idea, because roomie's old table lamp which did not come with warranty, died in a month and a half.

I hope Bee Bee doesn't want her lamp back anytime soon >.>

Love, Joyce.