Superior Saturday

"I, Arthur, anointed heir to the Kingdom,
claim the Sixth Key,
and with it the mastery of the Upper House.

I claim it by blood and bone and contest,
out of truth, in testament, and against all trouble."

Wheeee~ Good book :)

Finally got my hands on it.

Amen.

Excavation : In Progress

"..I'm going to smile cos I deserve to,
it'll all get better- in time..''

Dear lonely isle,

I think its been long enough.
Been sitting around waiting for the sky to fall on me and the world to crumble around my ears.
Hid out here in my cave and blasted the doorway to cover the entrance.
But there were no loud crashes or earth shaking tremors.

Think its time I dug my way out from under the rubble to have a peek to check if the world changed while I wallowed in my misery and convinced myself that everything was over.

If the sun still shines in the morning sky and the stars still twinkle in the moonlight,
then the worst that could've happened didn't.
Or possibly hasn't happened yet.
In which case, it still isn't time to hide yet. Nor is it time to run away yet.

And because it isn't time yet, it's time to move on.

I've got too much work waiting to be done, too many things left to be had, too much life waiting to be lived.

love, Joyce.

Back up, back up,
take another chance.
Don't you mess up, mess up,
I don't want to lose you.
Wake up, wake up,
this ain't just a thing that you
give up, give up.

Don't you say that I'd be
better off, better off,
sleeping by myself and wondering
if I'm better off, better off
without you, boy.

The Little Things
Colbie Caillat

Broken

"..every night she cries herself to sleep,
thinking why does this happen to me,
why does every moment have to be so hard?.."

Dear lonely isle,

Everyday I find myself struggling to hang on to something I cannot feel anymore.
To trust in what I don't believe anymore.
To hold on to what I cannot see anymore.

It's like waking up one day to find that the world has moved on without you.

If life is one long morning rush, I think I overslept.

Sometimes I think that everyone gets entitled to a certain amount of happiness, and if you spend it all at one go, you are then unhappy for the rest of your life.
I feel like I've already spent all of mine.

I keep telling myself, times like these don't last forever.
What if they do?

How long is forever?
It can be as short as a day, or span eons.
Forever, I'm told, is as long as you want it to be.

How long is your forever?

Feels like I've been sad for such a long time.
Certainly, my heart weighs like lead.
So heavy it drops to my shoes, beyond the soles of my feet, and into black emptiness and abyss beneath.

In truth, sometimes I don't feel like waking up.
The world is another day I find so hard to get through.

love, Joyce.

New haircut.

I like :)

Tired

"..and I don't know,
this could break my heart or save me,
nothing's real,
until you let go completely
so here I go,
with all my thoughts I've been saving,
so here I go,
with all my fears weighing on me.."

Dear lonely isle,

You know how some mornings you wake up and find that the world looks grey?
That the colours weren't as beautiful as they used to be?
You know how some mornings the sun is so bright, it's too bright?
It hurts your eyes.

Some days you just feel it.

On some days I realise that I'm a lot happier when I used to be a lot heavier.
Now when I feel better about myself, I find I seldom feel good at all.
I'm seldom happy, and I feel more lonely than ever.
Sometimes I wonder if happiness means having to feel like a whale all the time.
And to not like how you look in the mirror.

Some days I wonder about the plastic water scoop in the bathroom.
Even though I emptied all the air, it still floats.
And I wonder, why sometimes when we feel as though we are all but spent, drained completely, empty. Hollow. Void.
We still float. We still try.

I find it ironic that you can not know what you want, but yet be very clear on what you do not want.

I find it sad that we often search the most for that which eludes us.

Sometimes I think it's just unfair that we search so long to find what we really want, only to have it taken from us. Waved in our face to remind us of what we have but yet do not possess.

Sometimes I think the saddest thing is to watch what we build crumble slowly in front of our eyes, to watch it being taken apart bit by bit, painstakingly and lovingly built bonds weakened and torn down, like a frame by frame documentary of the demolition of a building that took generations to build.

Sometimes I feel like an empty shell of the person I've once been.
With nothing left but echoing memories and dust in the corners of my heart.
With sunken eyes and dark circles that tell of haunted nights and sad days.
Sometimes I feel like everything is just getting too hard.

I'd like to think that things will get better in time, but I think I know better.
Because some things don't get better, they get worse.
And just when you think that the turning point is right about now, you often get surprised.
Because that's just the way it is.

Sometimes I wonder where do the happy days end and when does today begin, but I can't find the line of transition.

You know how you make yourself think of mundane thoughts at night because you don't want to cry anymore?
I find that I can't be honest with my feelings because all they lead to are puffy eyes in the morning.
And sleeping with wads of tissue paper and a half-used roll beside your pillow.

These days I feel myself building walls around my heart.
Laying down a brick every night, slowly erecting wall after wall of solitude around the gaping pump.
Just trying to protect it from hurting anymore.

love, Joyce.