Broken

"..every night she cries herself to sleep,
thinking why does this happen to me,
why does every moment have to be so hard?.."

Dear lonely isle,

Everyday I find myself struggling to hang on to something I cannot feel anymore.
To trust in what I don't believe anymore.
To hold on to what I cannot see anymore.

It's like waking up one day to find that the world has moved on without you.

If life is one long morning rush, I think I overslept.

Sometimes I think that everyone gets entitled to a certain amount of happiness, and if you spend it all at one go, you are then unhappy for the rest of your life.
I feel like I've already spent all of mine.

I keep telling myself, times like these don't last forever.
What if they do?

How long is forever?
It can be as short as a day, or span eons.
Forever, I'm told, is as long as you want it to be.

How long is your forever?

Feels like I've been sad for such a long time.
Certainly, my heart weighs like lead.
So heavy it drops to my shoes, beyond the soles of my feet, and into black emptiness and abyss beneath.

In truth, sometimes I don't feel like waking up.
The world is another day I find so hard to get through.

love, Joyce.