Wednesday, March 10, 2010

Never Knew I Needed

"..for the way you took the idea that I had
of everything that I wanted to have
and made me see there was something missing.."

Dear lonely isle,

Today was one of those rare silent days on the train.

Not because there wasn't anyone talking, or that the train was particularly empty.
I simply forgot to charge my ipod, and had to endure the train ride staring at other people for amusement and entertainment on my way to and fro from work.

On the train ride back I saw a particularly cute guy, but as life would have it, I'm not particularly a very cute girl. Or at least, not when I'm with my glasses and flats and jeans and plain collared tee.

Eye candy definitely, but I mostly only got to stare at the back of his head, and at his reflection in the window because as fate would have it, I happen to sit somewhat right behind him.

But he was of no matter, because the next guy who came in caught my attention.

In fact, I can't even remember how he looks like.

But what he wore...oh what he wore. He looked so much like a particular someone I used to stare at. Or how that particular someone used to dress at that particular time in life when I used to spend a lot of time with him.

That fedora, that collared tee, those khaki coloured shorts, and just those sneakers.
It was so much like him, except that well, it wasn't, because I know for a fact that he's somewhere else at the moment.

And because silent moments are such that one thought leads to the next, I'm suddenly brought back to a particular conversation we had.

He had asked, how would your dream guy be like?
And I had answered, exactly like you, only perhaps taller.

And now I wonder how true had that been.
After giving it some thought, I think I can say that it was definitely true then, and it is still true now.

The difference is that, I've had that dream guy, and I realized that sometimes what you want, isn't exactly what you need.
We've all had that list of requirements when we were younger, the list of things we thought were good, all those qualities we wanted, all those traits we thought we needed.

And maybe we might have been wrong.
I know I was wrong.

I know you're not my dream guy, and I know you know you aren't as well.
But somehow, you're just everything that I want, without even me knowing it.
I just know its you that I want.

I think I'm starting to believe more in my choices.
If it feels right, it just somehow has to be. I don't know how or why yet, but somehow its just right.

Love, Joyce.