Stagnant

"..heaven bent,
to take my hand,
lead me through the fire.."

Dear lonely isle,

Sometimes we wake up from nightmares.
And sometimes, we wake up to them.

The long awaited, and largely overrated holidays are here, but somehow it seems the same.
Many things tend to be an unending repeating cycle, and sometimes i wonder what is it I find joy in anymore, or for that matter, do I find joy in anything anymore?
Sometimes you feel all boxed in and after staring out from the holes of your cubicle at your life, you wonder why are you here?
What is it are you doing watching from the inside, instead of being out there with the rest of humanity?
Sometimes you wonder why you even wonder, and why didn't you break out already..
I'm wondering too.

Other times, I get this little thump in my heart that things are going to change, and I'm not going to like how it all turns out in the end.
Other times I wish the repeating cycle would just go on.
I've told people how change is inevitable. Indeed, I know it to be true myself.
Yet there's always some part of me that does not welcome it. But I have mentioned this before.

Mostly, I tend to live for the moment, but I find that when you see only the present, you tend to lose sight of the picture.
Sometimes we just need to stand on the outside, and look in.
Sometimes, we need to see where we're going, and where have we come from.
But I think I've looked at the present for too long.

I'm not too sure where I am anymore.
The road behind is broken.
And the path ahead is lost in fog.
Uncertainty looms above me, so I look down.
I cannot find my feet.

Mist shrouded and clouded, I cannot walk.
I dare not walk.
Where am I going?

love, joyce.