The Lonely Girl

"..is there anybody home?
who will believe me, won't deceive me,
won't try to change me,
is there anybody home?
who wants to have me just to love me,
stuck in the middle.."

Dear lonely isle,

The other day when I had a meeting with my supervisor, I needed the formula for a phosphate buffer that I required for my thesis labwork. No worries I'm not going to bore you with the details of it :) I'm so nice aren't I? :P
Anyway, it was getting late (about 7pm that time) and we both wanted to get home and she did not have the formula with her. So the pretty lady said she'd mail it to my email and asked for the address. Upon writing it down, she asked "Lonely..isle? *laughs* was there a reason behind this?"

And that got me thinking for a bit.

Flashback to something that happened probably about a month or two ago, I can't really remember. But when is not the point anyway, it's what. I was showing a coursemate my blog because she wanted to see some photos I posted up.
I understand that not many people are a fan of Middle Earth and The Lord of the Rings, which is why I find myself explaining the meaning of Tol Eressea to so many people, and to which she replied "Why lonely isle? You have us, don't you?"

But I guess you were a long time ago.

Okay, not so much long as possibly about a decade ago? Or maybe sometime between a decade and half a decade ago. You didn't come up until I picked up J.R.R. Tolkien's greatest work, but still the essence of being you was there.

I guess, some time ago, I felt exactly like tol eressea. The lonely isle. Sitting all alone in an empty space in the ocean. Adrift and apart from others. Not so much in the physical sense (because I do not live on top of a mountain all by myself and neither do I stay in empty, lost caves alone and is described by the expression 'hermit', 'sage', or 'crazy lunatic'), but rather in the mental or emotional sense, I usually get confused at this part because my heart is often clever enough to sabotage my brain into thinking what I want is what I need.

I guess we all do go through a stage in life where we feel like we don't fit in. For me this happened sometime in the transition from childhood to growing up. Somehow, when you were a lot younger, (ie; below 3 feet) everyone was a friend. And as u grew taller, you find that sometimes that's not true. Sometimes you find yourself having no one you can call a 'friend'. And your world suddenly becomes this silent place with only the thoughts in your head to keep you company. I learnt to spend a lot of time on my own, and being by myself. I even learnt to talk to myself.

Yeah, internal monologue is definitely more fun when someone replies. Sometimes I wonder if that person really was me. Because that person, was you.

We'd talk about guys, fantasies, dreams. We'd laugh over funny shows and go through the best parts together. We'd cry over heartaches and sad times. Somehow it's pathetic and ironic how your best friend when you were small was yourself. But that's not all you were.

As I grew up, so did you. You grew from someone who kept me company to someone who always kept me in check. I guess you turned into a conscience. Of some sort.

You'd push me to do more, work harder, and you'd always ask for more than I can give. You'd scold when I make mistakes and comfort me when I fail. You'd tell me that I can cry as much as I want, but when I'm done I need to get back to work.

Sometimes I wonder where I find the drive to do things, to try to reach further and higher, to just keep holding on. To break down and rebuild myself. And to know that I don't have to like something to still do my best in it.

I'd like to take credit for all that, but really, even if it was me, it wasn't this me.

It seems pretty weird to blog to yourself, when it comes right down to this, but I guess it's just like old times. You and me have come a long way baby, and we don't really need paper or pen to talk.

I guess I just got so used to talking to you.

But somewhere along the way I learnt to make friends, and learnt to let people into my world; my thoughts, my heart, myself. And then the world suddenly seemed a lot less quiet. I learnt to like conversations with other people, and talking. Maybe that's why I can't shut up nowadays; I needed to make up for lost time.

Things are different now. I know I'm not the lonely little girl I used to be, but some part of me will always be that lonely isle, because there's always this little part of me that looks in from the outside, like an observer of my life. And that little part of me, is always alone.

You know how you can feel alone even when you're in a room full of people?
I think everyone does, every now and then.

But it's okay, because the rest of the time, it doesn't feel that way.
Not anymore.

Love, Joyce.

Stop & Stare

"..they're trying to come back,
all my sense push,
untie the weight bags,
I never thought I could.."

Dear lonely isle,

I guess...I'm happy.

Even though I have no fondness for this place, somehow I've managed to settle down.
And after the hectic hustle and bustle of the semester, filled with exciting races to the dateline, accompanied by nerve-wrecking, bone-breaking, back-aching, tiring tirade of reports and assignments one after another, and general all round haywired sleeping, eating and living habits, I guess I've settled down into mundane bliss.

I embraced the holidays like I would a visiting aunt with lots of presents in tow.

Naturally after all the sleepless nights one would imagine the evolution of a man into a pig, but it's natural to want some remuneration after all that slaving and toiling at the workload that's been hanging around all semester like an unwanted guest. That and because I derive some insane pleasure from burning myself out trying to enjoy everything at one go.

But after awhile, when things begin to slow down, and the hype of the overrated holidays has cooled off, you begin to feel like a car with dwindling fuel supply on a long journey, stopping frequently at petrol stations and rest spots. And at each stop you make, you suddenly realize the cool breeze in the air, and the blueness of the sky overhead, and the puffy white clouds that sail past your vision in the car.

And then you realize you've been missing out on life.

But I guess what really gives me a high is the freedom to choose. The freedom to stare down a day like an empty canvas, just awaiting the strokes of your paintbrush. To decide if you would wake at the crack of dawn, or sleep till deep past noon. To decide if washing should be done today, or a good book is a-calling. The freedom that is denied to you when you have an 8 o'clock class in the morning, and a full day of classes and labs ahead. To have your hands shackled and your actions dictated by a callous and cold schedule you have no love for.

And in the midst of daily mundane, you rediscover the joys of spending hours in front of the telly glued to Asian Food Channel, and the delight of surfing endlessly on the net and catching up on MSN.

Truly, the wonders of small pleasures, and the beauty of small treasures.
If I could have but one each day, it would be the life of the contented.

Maybe that's what holidays are for, to replenish your fuel supply for the impending race, and to remember what life really is. Life is exciting in the fast lane, with the wind in your face and the blurred sight of speed. Such is the nature of man, with an inborn love for speed and all things that whizz past, as is evident with the rising number of rollercoasters and high-speed thrills in amusement parks.

But often only when we've taken the time to stop and to slow down, we realize the reason for being alive, and the joy of living without having to hold on tightly to your hat.

So, right now, with just the sound of the swishing air from the ceiling fan to accompany the clicking of my nails on the keyboard, and a pillow to support my badly abused back, I guess life is good.

Because I'm in no hurry to be anywhere else. Because I'm in no hurry to do anything else.

Because I'm on holiday.

love, Joyce.

You & I

"..cos you and I both love,
what you and I spoke of,
and others only dream of,
others only dream of the love,
of the love that I love.."

Dear lonely isle,

Relationships. The bond between two people.
A mystery for some, the source of revelations for others.
The extent of an understanding between two souls.
The window to another person's world.
The measure of which we define how much of ourselves we allow others to see, to know, and to hurt.

Relationships can be simple, yet at times messy, complicated and wet.
But they can also be beautiful.

A relationship is the chemistry between two people, the reaction that occurs when two different elements are brought together. And sometimes we can never really predict the chemistry that happens between two people, and even less so why it happens, or how it occurs.

And we can mostly never quite predict, where the chemistry leads, and how long it will last, or how soon it will end.

Though not always, sometimes we find out, in time, why they end.

We are constantly drawn to other people because humans weren't meant to be alone. We constantly seek out the company of others, ever trying to find someone we can connect to. Even the most anti-social of us would still seek the solace of a chatroom or instant messaging online. Even if we can't see that someone or hear his voice, we still find this need to connect.
To communicate. The reason why humans are constantly involved in relationships; be it man, creature, the unseen, the artificial or the imaginary.

Even more intriguing is our need to belong somewhere, the need to belong to someone. To have that someone special.

Even the coldest of women and the most macho of men will desire, somewhere deep in the recesses of their hearts to have that someone. For some individuals, that someone changes with each passing moon, or with each passing night. For others, it is a bond that they hope, will last a lifetime. Or hopefully long enough to see them through cold nights and hard years.

We form a relationship because we need something from the other person, something we cannot fulfill ourselves. Something that only that someone special can make you feel. Which is why some people define their love as being complete, because that someone completes you. Because that someone is your other half.

But for some, relationships aren't that sweet.

Sometimes we can't really discern why or how we end up in a relationship that takes up all of us; all the space we breathe, all the energy we have, all the emotions we contain. Sometimes we don't understand why we still hang on.

Usually, we can never really know when it's time to say goodbye.

And even though we think its for the best of both, we find it hard to let go. Because we've shared so much, gave so much of ourselves, devoted so much of our life and memories to the idea of a relationship.
Because we gave so much of our most precious asset; our time.

Relationships mean different things to different people, and there are no two that are alike. Because we are all different. It is only logical that our relationships be as varied and as colourful as we are. Even with time, relationships change, because people change.

Sometimes for better, and at others, for worse.

And if that's anything to go by; it's that people can change. That given the right drive, intentions and emotions, they will.

But then there are times we have to stop believing in dead dreams, and realize we've hit a dead end.

Relationships are never perfect, and can never be perfect. It's only as good as it gets. Because people are not perfect. Humans weren't made perfect. It is the flaw in creation that makes us appreciate beauty and strive for perfection. Just as the flaw in people that makes us appreciate a relationship and strive to improve.

At the end of the day, we'd like to think we know what is best for ourselves, and who is best, or right for us. The world may say otherwise, but the choice is ours to make. And its also up to us to convince ourselves that we made the right one. Every day.

And hopefully, we get proven right.

I'd like to think I got my answer to my decision.
Because I believe in my heart that I got it right.

love, Joyce.

Dinners

Some random pictures of dinners.

At Bella Italia in Jesselton Hotel

I want pizza...again.

At Hana in City Mall

Tiing Jen's Katsu Don.

My Beef Teriyaki.
It doesn't look that good, but tastes good :)

Jia Jia's Sushi.

Lai San's Saba Shio.
(or something that sounds like that...)

Dinner was good :)
Sinful food...

Sinners:

Tiing Jen and Jia Jia

Lai San and me

Bee Bee, Yasmin and Mei Kuan's cousin :)

Fansu O-cha :P

On another note,
went shopping today!

Shopping is good :)

Wallet empty, heart happy :)

Bought a shirt and 2 blouses :)
The white ribbon comes with the shirt, a belt of sorts.

(if you think that the turquoise blouse looks like the black one,
well that's because it's the same cutting and design, just a different colour >.<
I like the cutting of the blouse THAT much :P)

My favourite *heart* :)

Farewell, Kimmy

Dear lonely isle,

I am currently room-mate-less.
My roomie Kimmy has left Sabah. She might return to extend her course, and she might not.
Either way, I'll miss her so much.

Watching anime together, laughing our heads off with Bamboo Blade, studying together, and so many outings together; movies, shopping and exploring.

She taught me most of the roads in KK that I know now, and saved me countless of times from incoming grasshoppers, cockroaches, moths and all other manner of myriad legged (and not so myriad legged) creatures. She companied me during the Hungry Ghost month, and forgave me for switching on the lights in the middle of the night after nightmares. She accompanies me on drives to the mechanic and translated my transactions with them.

She entertained us with countless memorable and totally hillarious "KIM-AH!!" moments that I will never forget, and is always up for a joke. Ever willing to learn, even if it involves making us laugh, Kimmy is so funny and so comical.

Erm, need I say more?

For her farewell night we had dinner at Ah Foo and planned to go for a movie after that.
We've had countless dinners together at Ah Foo, but that night was something special.

Vegetarian steamboat!
Yummy!

The mushroom slices were really good...
Thick and juicy :)

All these...

and these...

(and various other goodies that escaped my camera cos these few plates were the nearest to me)

In this.

While waiting for the soup to boil, Kim entertained us some more..

Two types of soup!
Tom yam on one side, clear soup on the other.
Both were yummy!

Yummy-ness...

And so,
many, many rounds later...

Happy people group photo :)

With Ah Foo, the owner (duh) and chef of Ah Foo.

Kimmy,
we will miss you so much!

I will miss you so much T___T

Yes, how can we ever forget you?

love, Joyce.

You're It! (Again)

Dear Cheryl,

Cos you had to go and do this to me.

8 things I am passionate about:
(not in any sort of order)

1. My baby
2. My family and friends :)
3. Jellybean! (& Ichigo, and all of you that share a bed with me :))
4. My beloved books.
5. Reading.
6. Music.
7. Lyrics.
8. FOOD.

8 things I say too often :

1. What the F**K?
2. What the shit?
3. What the crap?
4. Gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
5. NUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU~
6. I'm sorry I don't understand mandarin.
7. Huh?
8. Boleh bah, kalau kau ;)

8 books I’ve read recently :
(studies don't count)

1. The Truth by Terry P.
2. The Last Continent by Terry P.
3. Lady Friday by Garth Nix.
4. Sourcery by Terry P.
5. THUD! by Terry P.
6. Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows by J. K. Rowling
7. Nightwatch (again) by Terry P.
8. Hogfather (yet again) by Terry P.

8 songs I could listen to over and over again :
(It changes from time to time, currently on playlist forever looping)

1. No One and If I Ain't Got You by Alicia Keys
2. Any song from Celine Dion.
3. Any song from Maroon 5.
4. These Hard Times by Matchbox 20.
5. Rule The World by Take That.
6. Before It's Too Late by Goo Goo Dolls.
7. Love Song by Sara Bareilles.
8. Any song from Linkin Park.

I'm going to add 3 more because I think the list is too short.
(so unofficially,)

9. Any song from the Bee Gees
10. Any song from ABBA
11. Any song from the Carpenters

8 things I learned :

Refer to here.

Finally, 8 people to tag :

1. Ann Gee
2. Eu Shen
3. Cheng Choo
4. Cheryl
5. Wilson
6. Sooks?
7. Huei Ming?
8. Haha, Hsin Yang, if you ever come by again.

love, Joyce.

Tag! You're It!

Dear Cheng Choo,

Sorry it took ages >.<"

Okies, here goes.

Instructions: Remove one question from those below, add in one of your own (personal), to make a total of 20. Tag 10 people in your list at the end of this post.
Notify them.

1. At what age do you wish to be married?
When my baby decides to marry me :)
(which of course I helpfully and forcefully suggested should happen by the age of 28, and no further)

2. If you were to be stranded on a deserted island, who are the 3 blog buddies you'd take and why?
Hmm, Ann Gee, Christine (counts right? she has a blog :P), and beloved Cheng Choo :) Why? Fun doesn't need a reason.
(I'd take you too Cheryl, but you're family :P)

3. Where is the place that you want to go the most?
Right now? Home. Ask me again a month later :P

4. If you can have 1 dream to come true, what would it be?
That everyone I love will always be healthy and happy :) Getting a scholarship for a PhD in UK isn't so bad either.

5. Do you believe you can survive without money?
Not unless I live in an alternate universe where I am given everything I want :)

6. What are you afraid to lose the most?
Everyone I hold dear :(

7. If u had a superpower, what would your ability be?
I want to shit gold and vomit diamonds. (without injuring my internal organs, duh.)

8. If you meet someone that you love, would you confess to him/her?
Confessed already :P

10. What are the requirements that you wish from your other half?
Love, patience, dependability, responsible, love, care, love, money :P

11. Which type of person do you hate the most?
Stupid people. They plague the world like an infestation of an open wound.

12. If you are given the chance to go back to the past and make a difference, will you?
I might.

13. In your own opinion, would you say you are nice or mean?
Definitely not very nice. I hope to be nice though. Actually I try to, but stupid people make me mean.

14. What do you think is the most important thing in your life?
Love, friendship.

15. Are you a shopaholic or not?
I would be, if i was a lot richer.

16. If you have a chance, which part of your character you would like to change?
My mood swings and temper. Have a really short temper. I keep losing it all over the place :(

17. Who is the person that you can share all your problems with?
My baby. My bestest friends :P

18. What's your weakest point?
That I care too much.

19. What's the thing that you're most proud of?
Being who I am today.

20.What is the one thing you regret most?
Screwing up my STPM.

I tag: I don't have very many people to tag....Erm, okay, Ann Gee, Eu Shen, Cheryl, Wilson (if u read my blog), Christopher, Huei Ming? Sooks if you're there :P

Definition of 'stupid people' : people that irritate me, that ask stupid questions, that use their asses or mouths to think with instead of their brains, people that should have died a long time ago due to natural selection.

love, Joyce.

I miss you.

Growing Pains

"..stop and stare,
you start to wonder why you're here not there,
and you'd give anything to get what's fair,
but fair ain't what you really need,
can you see what I see?.."

Dear lonely isle,

Have you ever thought about how you were when you were younger?
What you wanted to be when you grow up.
What you thought you'd be when you grow up.
And where you actually are now.

Have you ever had big dreams?
Things that seemed so possible when you were a lot shorter.
And a lot smaller.
And when you weren't quite as knowledgeable as you are today.
(knowledgeable, because there are times I feel stupider than my younger self)

Have you ever wondered what happened to them?

Do you sometimes feel frustrated with yourself?
Because everything you thought you would be, turned out so completely the other way.
Because all the confidence you used to have, faded away with each wave of reality crashing on your shores.
Because even after all these years, you still remain that little girl inside.

That the butterfly in you never emerged.
Realizing that you were meant to spend your life as a hairy caterpillar.

As we grow up, somehow the world grew smaller, and darker.
And greyer.

And sometimes you realize that maybe the world looked a lot better then because you hadn't learn to see very well yet.

Sometimes I feel that way.

And I realize I've come a long long way.
A long way from the little girl in braids (4 to be exact) and ponytails.
A long way from the little girl in tights and ballet leotard and hair all done up in a bun.
A really long way from the little girl that thought she would grow up to be blond.

You learn that sometimes even though you really believed in something, it will never, ever come true.

Other times you learn that the things you don't like will never, ever go away.
That they will never get intimidated by you just because you're a lot bigger and fatter now.
Or wiser (I hope) than you were.

Then there are lessons you learn as you get older.
That friends are hard to find. And even harder to keep.
That your parents are the only people in the world that will love you unconditionally.
That there really is no such thing as justice, or truth, or mercy in this world, save the virtues you hold in your heart.
That you can only be responsible for yourself. And that you should be the only person you're responsible for and accountable to.
That everything between God and you, is between God and you. No one should dictate otherwise.
That everything you do, will come back to bite you in the ass one day. And that's a promise as sure as the sun will rise tomorrow.
That people don't like you instantaneously upon meeting you. If you're not utterly alone and truly hated by the world, you must have done something right to at least one person.

Sometimes I wish that I could go back and do things differently.
Sometimes you wish you knew then what you knew now.

But at other times, you realize all those mistakes you made, made you the person you are today.

And sometimes, that's not quite so bad. Because eventually, you learn the lesson of learning to live with yourself.

With what you can do.
With what you didn't do.
With what you didn't achieve.
With what you did.
And hopefully, with what you will.

love, Joyce.

Love From Down Under

Thank you baby.

They're absolutely beautiful :)

*hugs*

Happy birthday to us :)

If I Ain't Got You

Dear baby,

Happy Anniversary.
It's been the most wonderful 2 years with you.

some people live for the fortune
some people live just for the fame
some people live for the power
some people live just to play the game

some people think that the physical things
define what's within
and I've been there before but that life's a bore
so full of the superficial

some people want it all
but I don't want nothing at all
if it ain't you baby
if I ain't got you baby

some people want diamond rings
some just want everything
but everything means nothing
if I ain't got you

some people search for a fountain
that promises forever young
some people need three dozen roses
and that's the only way to prove you love him

hand me the world on a silver platter
and what good would it be?
with no one to share
with no one who truly cares for me

some people want it all
but I don't want nothing at all
if it ain't you baby
if I ain't got you baby

some people want diamond rings
some just want everything
but everything means nothing
if I ain't got you

some people want it all
but I don't want nothing at all
if it ain't you baby
if I ain't got you baby

some people want diamond rings
some just want everything
but everything means nothing
if I ain't got you

if I ain't got you with me baby
said nothing in this whole wide world don't mean a thing

if I ain't got you with me baby.

Alicia Keys
If I Ain't Got You

If I ain't got you baby,
It'd be a terribly lonely world to be in.

Wouldn't want to be in it without you with me.

I love you,
more than words can describe,
more than every moment in my life,
more than I can ever say.

love, Joyce.

Lost

"..something's getting in the way,
something's just about to break,
I will try to find my place,
in the diary of Jane
as I burn another page,
as I look the other way,
I still try to find my place,
in the diary of Jane.."

Dear lonely isle,

I know I don't usually blog about this, but I think I don't really know what's going on anymore.
I feel so out of sync, so out of my life these days.

The days just feel so long, and it takes forever just to get to the end of the day.

I feel like I can't connect to anyone anymore. If life is a party in a house with everyone you know, I feel like I'm left outside. In the cold.

I know I've changed. Something feels different somehow, but I don't know what.
I feel like I left something behind.

Maybe that's why I don't blog about this, because it sounds silly even as a I see it on paper, in writing. And yet I still can't describe it.

Truth be told, I don't know what I want anymore.
There are times I don't even know if I want anything anymore.
I look inside, and I don't see anything. I used to see people, and things and dreams.
Now I don't see anything. And the emptiness scares me.

Sometimes I wonder what is wrong with me, why do I consistently try to ruin everything good in my life, or why do I head down the path the destroy the best thing that has happen to me.
Or why can't I just be happy.
I know I don't do it intentionally.

But somehow it's just what I've been doing. And maybe I've been blaming everything and everyone for how miserable I am, when in fact I'm just making myself miserable.
And I don't know why.

My eyes hurt a lot these days. They always seem to be sore and red and itchy.
Maybe I need eyedrops, maybe I just cry too much.

Sometimes I think I need religion, to find a higher meaning to life. But then again, I'm too skeptical for religion. And I find it too much of a commitment.

Sometimes I think I just need to go home. But I'm not sure if what I want is there anymore.
Or if I want anything for that matter.

Sometimes I break down and cry when I drive alone. Sometimes the sky just looks too cloudy. Sometimes it's just too hot.

Sometimes I find I work too hard. And too much.
But it's the only way to make the time pass faster.
Without feeling guilty.

Sometimes I feel like I cannot do anything right anymore. I fumble up everything I do.
And I mess up everytime I try to make it right. I feel that no matter what I try to do, somehow I always make things worse, that all I'm good for is nothing, except to wreck things.
I'm so good at it, I even messed up myself. I'm just no good.

Sometimes I feel have so much to say. But when I pick up the phone nothing comes out.
I wonder why.
Why does it feel as if it's so difficult to talk.
Why does it get so hard.

Sometimes I find that I don't belong anywhere anymore. That everywhere I go I feel like an outcast, a stranger to society.

Sometimes I feel like putting up a poster, to advertise my lost. To look for myself.
Because I really don't know where to look for her anymore.

Have you seen me?
I'm missing.

love, Joyce.

Dear lonely isle,

It's really just you and me now.

You know one of the cats on my screen? Her name is Fafa.
Sometimes she gets lonely and cries. But when you click on her, she smiles again.

I wish I could be like that too sometimes.

Because now I can't stop.

Finals start next week. And somehow.

It doesn't matter anymore.

love, Joyce.

Cute Stuff

Dear lonely isle,

I have screenmates! 4 of em :)
3 cats and a sheep. All to keep me company on long nights doing reports, assignments and studying.

Cats are well, cats, cute but pretty boring.

But the sheep...the sheep is something different.
My sheep is capable of going nuclear like Peter from Heroes and takes a bath after fireballing out of the sky. Occasionally it will get beamed up by aliens in spaceships and eat flowers.
The sheep can piddle.
It can also dance, walk on its forelegs, sleep and fall down.
Oh, and it chases female sheep. Or observe them closely when they pass by. It's a healthy ram after all....

Here's them on my blog :P

Here's them on my wallpaper.
Yup, that's a screen cap of my current wallie. I like my wallies clean and empty.

And here's the sheep after a bath.
Missed the fireballing action =(

Yes, people who are stressed need an outlet.

love, Joyce.

We. Have. Kittens.

Dear lonely isle,

We have kittens!
Dear lord, of course they didn't just fall out of the sky!

After a long (3 months), hard (for us), pregnancy, Cat finally gave birth to 3 adorable kittens; one tortoiseshell (like herself ;P), one marmalade and one with brown and black patches.

But alas, the momentous birth was not without tragedy...
On the third day or so after they were born, a male cat (the beast!) snuck into the house and murdered one of the kittens...the marmalade one..

Yes, murdered I say. I'm using the exact same term my landlady used to describe the atrocious act.

So we started closing the door, and Cat started getting curfews. That is to say we dictate when she goes in and out of the house, because she obviously can't open the door by herself.

With the preventive measure (door closing) in place, the other 2 kittens were kept from harm.

However, it was not without an extremely annoying and irritating price.

Not used to being confined and let out only a few times a day, Cat developed a habit of meowing NONSTOP whenever she wanted to go out. We would love to let her out, but because of our new door-closing habit, someone has to be around to open the door for Cat when she gets back. And yes, we have to wait for her, because leaving the door open will only invite a second occurance of the incident which made us close the door in the first place, and not waiting for Cat downstairs will result in her kittens starving.

The problem was, Cat wanted to be let out when everyone was going out, so there would be no one left at home to be her bellboy. She also liked going out at 1 am in the morning, and when the inhabitants of the house need to nap and want to sleep. And mind you, she doesn't go for short periods of time. If her kittens have just been fed, she will roam for hours.

When not allowed to have her way, she can really meow the house down. She can meow for the whole day. Literally. Non-stop.

Things got worse when she got a worm infection from eating raw fish. Some idiot thought it was mighty generous to keep feeding Cat raw fish. Don't know who it is. Don't let me find out who. The person will pay dearly. Because Cat threw up worms on the floor.

So the security became even tighter. And we all had to be dewormed. And when she came back smelling of fish one day, she meowed so much I think she sounded different at the end of the day. Cos we didn't let her out.

Things are a lot better now, as Cat is cured (I should think) and the kittens are much older (a month or so old, I lost track of time >.<"), and aren't so reliant on their mother for hourly doses of milk. So Cat is left out of the house longer to roam.

They have recently started exploring areas beyond the study room, after Cat moved them from the box under the stairs to a small box in the study room. They have begun their slow invasion into the house and into our hearts. They have started biting, licking, chewing and scratching (feels ticklish though) anything and everything, toes included. They are learning to climb up the couch and also up the stairs.

And they're getting cuter everyday.

I wish they'd stay this size always. They're so much cuter this small.

Mini Cat and PoloPao (translates to Polo bun in english from cantonese)
Well, their names are pretty obvious, so you should know which is which if you've seen Cat.

Yin Yang

They're both female by the way.
There was some speculations about the gender of Mini Cat,
which resulted in the kitten filed under 'Male' because 'he' had no teats.

It is confirmed today that Mini Cat was misfiled.

Bee Bee noticed that Mini Cat developed slower compared to PoloPao.

PoloPao is a rascal.
She's fast, curious, and very adventurous.

She's not shy around strangers and will bite both house inhabitants and newly found man-creature with the same gusto.

She explored half the living room by the time Mini Cat decided that
the floor beyond the study room doorframe was actually safe to tread on.

One of their quieter moments when I could actually take a picture
without them darting in and out of the frame of view.

Half asleep PoloPao.

Awww....

*whispers*

Good night.

love, Joyce.

These Hard Times

Morning falls like rain
into the city life
there goes another night
losing my breath in waves
knowing that every crash
is bleeding the hourglass
and taking the stride from all our lives

everyone keeps talking
they promise you everything
but they don't mean anything

we may loose our focus
there's just too many words
we're never meant to learn
and we don't feel so alive

say goodbye
these days are gone
and we can't keep holding on
when all we need is some relief
from these hard times

move your hands in circles
keeping me hypnotized
the power behind your eyes
move around your bedroom
cursing the naked sky
you should be here tonight
but you stay alone
and cry

say goodbye
these days are gone
and we can't keep holding on
when all we need is some relief
from these hard times

there's something missing
you'll never feel it but you
you're gonna feel it when it's gone
when it's gone

say goodbye
these days are gone
and we can't keep holding on
when all we need is some relief
through these hard times.

Matchbox 20

These days are so hard to get through.

Morning always seems so far away.

And even so, all it is, all it brings
is just another day.

Yet I can't help but hope
that tomorrow's morning will bring something different.

Destressing Saturday

Dear lonely isle,

What do you do when you're stressed?

We have an exam on Monday. For which none of us have yet to study. But anyway, we went out on Saturday on the pretense of celebrating Tiing Jen's birthday. Okay so maybe it was not all pretend.

The one thing that is almost certain is, biophysical chemistry exam on Monday is very nearly, almost as good as gone.

Oh that other one we gave up on was biochemistry. Different subject, but equally as dislikable. For the record, I absolutely detest both.

So what do you do when you're stressed?

Camwhoring at Secret Recipe!

A very stressed Jia Jia found it very hard to smile.

She was so worried she wanted to study her notes and asked us to go ahead without her for the movie.

Obviously we couldn't let her be hardworking while we're all having fun.

We dragged her kicking and screaming into the cinema.

Pigging out at Secret Recipe

Why only camwhore when you can also eat?

Sinned a lot yesterday.

But couldn't care less somehow.

Don't they all look so pretty?

I was too full after that...couldn't get my choc frap T___T

Trying on RM10 sunglasses!

Lai San attempting to be chiun.

The lady selling the sunglasses was nice enough not to scold us for playing with her wares.

Hello gorgeous :P

More camwhoring!

Supposedly trying to imitate Hua Jie from Ah Long Pte. Ltd.

Me? Oh I was imitating her husband :P
The chao-ah-kua dance instructor Jojo Fang.

Failed attempts to camwhore nicely :

Play with the smile shutter!

It's so hard to stay stressed when you're out with us :P
A much less stressed Jia Jia.
We're good.

My camera simply adores my smile :)

It's hard to be Lai San sometimes...

More pigging out!
Didn't you know?
Stressed people need to eat eat eat to relieve their stress.

I guess I should really know,
because I ate 12 fried dumplings all on my own....

We ordered 20 by the way >.<"

But they're soooooo goood....
Crispy fried skin on the outside,
holding in the juicy meat and gravy inside....YUM

Sorry! The food got in the way of picture-taking..

Nevermind, you got to see the aftermath anyway.

The Aftermath.

Even more camwhoring...

It's really hard to be Lai San sometimes.

And what else?

More photo-taking wearing RM10 sunglasses :P
The idea is to find the more outrageous looking sunglasses and have a good laugh at yourself.

For some reason everytime I look at this picture i'm reminded of Minnie Mouse.
Anyone got any idea why?

Baja Hitam anyone?
Masked Rider was here.

Pink Ranger and White Ranger.

Note to self: Keep exam-ridden students away from hypermarkets.
The tendency to overshop and attempt to buy entire hypermarket is very large and very real.

My poor car had trouble accelerating after that.

It was a fun day.

But helluva price to pay for it.

Worried, and at the same time,
couldn't care less.

Wonder why.

love, Joyce.