Why I'm Not A Morning Person

Dear lonely isle,

Someone up there doesn't like me today. I know because everything felt like a joke.
It was so funny, I was so TULAN.

It started off with me waking up late. Class starts at 8am.
I woke up at 7.30am.
Nevermind.
After gulping down my hastily made Milo and dashing out to the car, it was 7.40am.
Jammed all the way to campus. It was already 8am.
Nevermind.
Went to the lecture halls. Seems that there's an event of some kind at the main lecture hall.
How can I tell? Maybe because of the teams of fat, stupid old ladies with no sense of personal safety. They step onto the road without even bothering to look if you would stop. Oh no, humongous, gaudy looking thing like me? Even the blindest driver would notice, hon. Some really didn't even notice your car 'sneaking' up on them, because you can see the surprise in their eyes when they turn around, and realise for the first time in their lives, that someone invented the automobile. Wanted to bang them down so badly as an example towards other imbecillic old people.
Nevermind. I shall not hon at stupid fat crones.
And because of the bloody stupid event, the lecture hall carparks, which are usually half full on a normal day, were BLOODY FREAKING DAMN FULL. Okay. Late for class, and no parking space. I thought things like this only happens in shopping malls on weekends! Yeah we had a mini Mid Valley parking space hunting experience just now.
So I park my car directly in front of the lecture halls, which students are wont to do when they feel lazy. When I get out of the car, I hear the most unpleasant voice ever.
"Ah moi, ah moi, itu kereta awak? Tak boleh pakking kat situ. Pegi letak tempat lain."
WHAT BLOODY SHIT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? USE YOUR EYES YOU STUPID LITTLE MAN. THEY'RE SITUATED ON YOUR FACE. IT'S TO LOOK AT AND SEE WITH, THAT'S WHAT GOD PUT IT ON YOUR FACE FOR. CAN'T YOU BLOODY WELL SEE THAT THE CARPARK IS BLOODY FULL? Oh yes, I'm dreadfully sorry, I totally missed the point that you had your eyes surgically removed and placed on your backside. No wonder you had to look at me with you behind.
Nevermind. I will not bang down stupid toy guards.
So I go back to hunting for parking space, all the while avoiding killing stupid old ladies in gaudy baju kurungs. Okay, finally found one. Now DASH to class.
Sat down. Time. 8.10am.

Ten minutes later, my lecturer announces, "Okay, I have finished all my slides. Lecture over. Dismissed. There will be no attendance taken today."

TULAN.

TULAN.

TULAN.

It was 8.20am.

NEVERMIND.

Now back to the carpark to retrieve my car. What I saw was this.

WHAT THE SHIT.

I forgot to bring my camera along today, so you'll just have to settle for my artwork with Microsoft Paint.

love, joyce.

WHO ARE YOU TO TELL ME
WHAT I CAN AND CANNOT DO?

idiot

asshole

yes, I'm talking about you

"Ignorance"

Dear lonely isle,

I realise that many people do not know the difference between having tact and promoting ignorance.
I realise that many people do not think their way though before opening their mouth to speak. The first thing that pops into their mind is said, without considering the consequences. The space of what we want to say and what we say is very very small, and often we tend to skip the thinking and consideration part.

But first, ignorance and having tact.
Ignorance is knowing that your housing area is in the way of a giant hurricane, yet you refuse to evacuate because you think what you don't know, can't hurt you. Ignorance is not knowing the difference between having tact and ignorance, and thinking it's the same. Ignorance is not a crime, yet sadly there are many people who think it is. Especially ignorant people. (who sadly, do not realise they are.)
They believe that because they can handle certain issues, that everyone can. I mean, we all get it that you of all people are very strong emotionally and are able to handle earthquakes and death on a regular basis, but for the rest of us, some things affect us more deeply than others. And why we react differently to these things is what makes us all different inside, unique, and human. A person who does not panic in a fire is no better than one who does. There is a reason to the way we react. And understanding that, in a way, is tact.
And being able to understand that, to know how it feels like to be in another person's shoes, and to react to that person, taking into consideration the person's feelings, opinions, and how important that issue is to that person, is tact.
The same sentence, when said in a different tone, or in a different way can have a different effect on a person. While some people are more direct in their approach, they would prefer a softer approach to them. It all boils down to the fact that everyone is different, and we handle our issues in a different way. Some people face their fear to conquer it, others avoid it. It does not make one type better than the other. And because everyone is different, there will be some who like you, some who love you, and some who hate you. Because everyone sees things in a different perspective, it takes a different approach for a different person. Nothing works for everyone.
For those who choose to bulldoze their ideas past everyone in the way or anyone they meet, they must learn to accept that not everyone will appreciate what they do, even if they're trying to help. Because perhaps even a different term used can make a difference between hate and gratitude.
And what some people must learn to understand is that, just because you can say it, doesn't mean that you have to or should. Just because you believe it to be right, or the truth or something you consider to be facts, doesn't mean that you should say it. Consider a man on his death bed, and because most people are afraid of death (something which most people can't understand I believe. While I'm not afraid of death, I understand that people are always afraid of the unknown. See? example of tact. Which is why death has to be handled delicately with most people.) you do not ask the dying man would he wish to be cremated or buried, especially if he's terrified of his fate. It may seem stupid to most ignorant people but then again, put yourself in the man's shoes. Have pity, if not sympathy for him that he feels that way, and help him be at ease during his last days, by not causing him to be more freaked out than he already is.
Tact is mostly about putting yourself in the other person's shoes, and trying to understand what it feels like even if you don't understand how they can see it that way. You don't have to understand the reason. Just having the heart to understand the feelings is enough to know that some people need to be handled differently.
Being blunt, direct, frank, brash, or any other name you want to give it, does have its charm sometimes. But it's the person who knows when to use it and when not to, is a person who thinks with his brain, and not let his mouth do the thinking for him. For if you keep talking, how can you listen. And if you do not listen, how can you hope to understand? The first step before you impart advice or another is to first listen. If you do not know how, shutting up and paying attention to what the other person has to say would be a good effort in the right direction.

Well, sorry for the extended lecture, but I really felt that some people should know this. And maybe consider what they have written, or said, in a different light, and see for themselves how ignorant they are, even if they try to believe that they're covered in truth.

love, joyce.

The Most Worthless Person

Dear lonely isle,

I'm just too tired.
And I just don't understand.
Am I so stupid that everything I say has to be crap of some kind?

I don't understand why I can't just complain or whine about something.
I've listened to lame stories, stupid dilemmas and crappy experiences all in the name of friendship. Stupid things that really seem worthless to me. No matter how stupid or small the problem is. No matter how lame I think it is. Because I don't want to offend people. Because I fucking care. Because I know that after that you'll feel better. That you can smile again. So I listen, because I understand that sometimes you just need to complain. That everyone needs to vent once in awhile. And they want someone to respond. To tell them it's alright, that everything will be ok and that has got to be the worst experience ever and that no one is ever as unlucky as you. And that they need cheering up.

Why can't the fuck I get the same?

Why can't I ever complain or just vent without ever getting a "it's just..." , "too bad then." or a " I've had worse."? I mean I understand that most of the population today have probably been through World War 2 which is why everything I ever say is so insignificant that no one ever notices.
Why can't I ever express myself without getting fucking pissed by people who think that they're telling the truth as it is? And people wonder why I don't explain things or don't tell them things. I would, if you would listen.

People always tell me I look happy. That I have a positive outlook on life. That being around me makes them feel better because I can make them feel better.

Sometimes, just sometimes, I need to feel better too...

I guess I really need to hear those magic words.
Words often spoken. Words I tell everyone who needs to hear it. Because I know that we all need them once in awhile.
Funny, but I hardly ever hear it.

But then again, I guess I'm just not worth it. Not worth listening to. Not worth comforting. Not worth any damn thing but always there should you need to complain.

Just forget about it I guess. I'll just complain here. And listen to the silence.

love, joyce.

PS: please don't comment on this. I've had enough as it is. I don't need to listen to more "too bad"s, "that's life"s , "you can't expect everything to go smoothly"s, "it's just.."s, "why are you overreacting?"s, and whatever shit you people can dish up. Just spare me the fucking smart remarks k? Didn't your parents ever teach you that if you don't have anything nice to say, just shut up? Oh yes I forgot, you're all claiming to be fucking bitches and bastards, so that's your excuse to be offensive to the world.

What Are Little Girls Made Of?

"..sugar, and spice, and everything nice,
that's what you believe we're made of.."

Dear lonely isle,

Sometimes I want to just scream at the world, to yell out dissatisfaction, irritation, and annoyance. I want to cast these god awful feelings at the sky and ask, "Why me?!!". But even then, the sky would probably remain quiet, oblivious to my whining, not a cloud stirring. And the universe would mock in silence, "Oh, really? Well, we're very sorry then."
And still I would remain with my three companions. How the hell do you dispose of them?
I could ask that over and over. And yet in the end, only I can make them disappear. With the help of good will, humour and forgiveness. All those stupidly noble jerks.
But when you require the assistance of others, it is prudent to reserve one's judgement to oneself. So I shall mention nought of what I feel towards my imbecillic saviours. With time, clenched teeth, a forced smile, and a whole lot of inward wincing, this might just work out.
So maybe time will prove itself useful once in a while, and who knows, maybe a little good will, humour and forgiveness never hurt anyone, except my pride, perhaps, but all in all, I guess I owe a bunch of moronic suckers an apology, and maybe even gratitude.
You'll probably never hear me say this ever again, so listen well,

Take that stupid look off your face. I ain't saying anything, you motherfuckering sons of bitches.

love, joyce.

Sugar, and spice, and everything nice...

AAARRRGGGHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!

"..I'll regret this,
but maybe not now,
I might apologise,
but for now,
I just want to scream.."

Dear lonely isle,

I need to scream.

In someone's face.

Now.

Why do people enjoy mocking me?
For all of you who think it's very funny, just thank god you are a friend.
Or maybe you should just not be a friend anymore so I can tell you exactly what I want.
To your face.
In your face.
It can be arranged.
I have said before, do not test my patience. Please.
What part of that do you not understand?
Or do I have to rephrase that with monosyllabic words?
Something you can understand.
Because clearly you don't.
You know what?

Whatever.
Just whatever you want.

love, joyce.

PS: tomorrow comes too slow....