It's Nice

"..hearts are worn in these dark ages,
you're not alone in this story's pages.."

Dear lonely isle,

Sometimes when the world feels so cold, it's nice to know someone still watches out for you.

It's nice to know that when you have nothing left to eat but maggi, there is still some place you can go where someone will cook specially just for you. And no, I'm not talking about ordering food at a stall. For this person, the only currency accepted is friendship.

It's also nice to know that on days you feel like nobody cares, someone still cares enough to remind you to drink water, rest more, sleep early and to eat dinner. And that if that person was told that dinner was somehow conveniently yet again 'forgotten', someone will have a lot of answering to do.

It's also nice to know that you're always welcomed some place, and you can come anytime so as long as the person who welcomes you is home.

It's a nice feeling to have, on days you feel like the stupidest person alive when someone cares enough to boost your confidence by telling you that you're already the best, so it's okay. Especially when you have a memory so short you're on the verge of having amnesia.

It's a nice feeling inside when someone remembers you're the one who sleeps at odd hours and will most definitely oversleep and skip breakfast, and so makes you a sandwich that morning to eat in class.

It's nice when someone cares enough to run from the lecture halls to pass you some Panadols when you're in another faculty because you're having a headache and need some relief. It's even nicer when that person offered to. And reminds you not to drive home alone in your state of pain and tiredness lest you drive into a tree (if you're lucky). And asks to be notified when you have reached home in one piece, whole and unspoiled.

It's nice to know someone like that.

I know, because I do.

love, joyce.

Upside Down Girl

"...upside down, bouncing off the ceiling,
inside out, stranger to this feeling,
got no clue what I should do..."

Dear lonely isle,

My time is all topsy turvy these past two weeks.

I sleep at 6-8am in the morning, and wake up at 2-3pm in the afternoon. And practically don't sleep at night.

Result? Panda metamorphosis picking up where it left off.

Still on the journey to eventually become a very cute, cuddly and endangered mammal on the verge of extinction because it was too picky.

Can just imagine mothers telling their children somewhere in the not too off future, "Don't be picky on food, remember the panda? You don't see anymore right? Picky some more la.."

Seems like a very grim and bleak future awaiting me. >.<" Been trying to avoid this unseemly fate by taking a late nap then sleeping through till the next day. Plan failed. the next day, even after waking in the morning, I somehow still end up sleeping at 6.30am.

Everyone keeps asking me to be abit more normal. Believe you, me. I'm really trying.

And it's rather horrifying in a way because it seems to me that I cannot turn my time back to what the general population considers to be normal. Yes, I am turning into a minority. I am becoming one of the abnormal. >.<"

Since I live outside the boundaries of normality at the moment, I guess I have to make the most of it.

Maybe abnormal human-turned-pandas don't go extinct...

I hope.

Love, joyce.

Fallen

"...though I've tried, fallen,
I have sunk so low,
I've messed up, better I should know..."

Dear lonely isle,

I like the song Fallen by Sarah McLachlan very much. Above all, it teaches me humility. Somehow, like the song title, I have fallen down many, many times. Must be the two left feet. I keep tripping up myself.

But the most important thing is to get up, is it not?

But getting up is a lot of hard work. Hell, half the time I fall down just trying to get up. But enough is enough.

Had a look a my blog a week ago, couldn't be more ashamed of myself.

Because when provided with nothing, the human need will drive you to go all out of your way to find it. But when presented with luxury, everything you have you take for granted.

Because even though I had to wake up at 6am on Fridays to use the library back last year, I did. And even though I had to starve myself to use it (can't leave my laptop alone in the library to go for lunch, because the line will be too packed to use when I come back. don't worry, I eat maggi on Friday mornings for breakfast), I still did.

Because even though the line was at neck-breaking slow speeds (you break your own neck out of frustration) it would be faster to send an email by snail mail or personal delivery, I still persevered.

Because even though I had to retype all my blog entries at least 5 or 6 times before blogger would get through, I did. And I did it almost every week.

Because even if it meant skipping dinner to use the hour I have to spare in the library to email my baby, I did.

And because now I have internet a few houses away and I don't use it.

Because I can drive to a friend's house to use her internet and don't do it.

So yes, I am just so ashamed of myself.

There's a lot of things that I saw in my former self just two semesters back, that I don't see in myself now. And I couldn't be more ashamed.

and I really wonder where did that girl go?

I tried so hard to kick myself in the head. Wish I could detach my leg and do it. Nothing quite captures the essence of kicking your own head for being such an ass. That belongs at the other end of the body. The confusion has to be corrected.

My To-Change-What-I-Cannot Accept List has just gotten a lot longer this past couple of weeks.

My To-Accept-What-I-Cannot-Change List still has only a single entry. And I think that will be the hardest of all.

But still, better late than never, no?

And better now, than not at all, is it not?

love, joyce.

There's Just Some Things..

Went shopping in KK last weekend with some coursemates...



There's just some pictures I have to take...

and there's just some things I have to buy...

it's more than a photo frame.

Opens up into a neat box :)
Chased down the owner of the shop to ask about this box >.<"
Yeah, I REALLY like it...

Hehe :P

Baby Came To Visit (again) =)

Baby came to visit :)

(That is not my handwriting by the way...*cough* *cough*)

He watched me study for my molecular genetics mid-term...
(Yes, T_T stupid mid term when my baby is around T_T)

He watched me complete my lab reports...

He followed me to class...
Had an exam on Saturday. (stupid lecturer)

We went shopping =)

Then,
on Monday...

I drove him to the airport and watched him leave..

I miss you :(

Family day at Tanjung Aru about 2 weeks back.
Yeah, I don't know what happened either, the photographer was more interested in the grass instead of us.

What's the fun of going to the beach if you don't get wet? :P
6 dripping girls = picture!

Been frequenting the laboratories a lot lately.
Don't ask.

Future biotechnologist?
It's just simple streaking actually.

Yukata fitting session last week.
Bee Bee and me.

I don't know why they put the umbrella next to everyone sitting down.

Ja ne! :P

Stupid Girl

Dear lonely isle,

Sometimes I just feel so tired.
Tired of everything.
It's only the beginning of the semester, but already I'm so tired.

I'm in trouble, aren't I?

Maybe it's the weather here, or the food. Maybe it's something in the air, the hazy breeze of emotional lethargicity.

Maybe it's just because I'm here.

Sometimes I just push myself so hard or torture myself, so that I'd have something to suffer about. Something to be miserable about.
Because I shouldn't be this miserable. I shouldn't feel like I'm suffering.

There's nothing suffering here.

Not the food. Or the studies. Or the living conditions.
Not the people. Or the weather. Or the god damned everything else.

Yeah, you realise it too.

Let's just keep it between us okay?

Thanks.

love, joyce.

Take me home.

Disenchanted

I was there on the day
they sold the cause for the queen
and when the lights all went out
we watched our lives on the screen
I hate the ending myself
but it started with an alright scene

it was the roar of the crowd
that gave me heartache to sing
it was a lie when they smiled
and said "You won't feel a thing"
and as we ran from the cops
we laughed so hard it would sting

if I'm so wrong
how can you listen all night long?
and will it matter after I'm gone?
because you never learned a god damned thing

you're just a sad song
with nothing to say
about a life long wait at a hospital stay
well if you think that I'm wrong
this never meant nothing to you

I spent my high school career
spit on and shoved to agree
so I could watch all my heroes
sell a car on TV
bring out the old guillotine
we'll show 'em what we all mean

if I'm so wrong
how can you listen all night long?
now will it matter after I'm gone
because you never learned a god damned thing

you're just a sad song
with nothing to say
about a life long wait at a hospital stay
well if you think that I'm wrong
this never meant nothing to you

Disenchanted
My Chemical Romance

My House

This is the front of the house.
Yes, yes, will take a better picture of it next time. Just felt embarrassed to be standing in front of the house on the street taking a picture. >.<

The living room!
A bit messy, but kind of cozy once you settle down. We have Astro, you know? :)

The kitchen.
Haven't ventured into cooking there yet, except maggi and boiling water.

More kitchen.
We have a refrigerator, I just haven't put anything of mine inside yet =P
The landlady is a lecturer at UMS. She's a lecturer in the food science faculty. We can't simply eat her stuff in the refrigerator, some are her lab specimens >.<

Dr Yasmin's (the landlady) study.

Dr. Yasmin's room.
I have not been inside before >.<

The upstairs bathroom I share with my housemates.

I invite you to carefully observe that that is a sitting toilet :D

My room, my bed.

My study desk, with the towel rack behind it and my bed behind the rack.

My roomie's study desk, next to mine. With a window view.
Overlooks papaya trees. Not my cup of tea.

Roomie's bed, with the bookshelf in front of it.

My cupboard.
Roomie doesn't have a cupboard yet. She's living out of her luggage.

Bedmates.

Settling in already.

The Dawn Of a New Semester

Dear lonely isle,

Okay, so the problem with my minor was fixed by changing minors. Pretty unimpressive, eh?
>.<

So, what's new in Sabah?

Hmm, moved into a new place, no longer staying in the hostel, which can only mean 2 things:
1. No more hills.
2. No more sucky hostel food :D

Next up, new room mate. Chinese girl, 3rd year senior. We call her Kim.
Will upload pictures in the next post =)
First I gotta take the pictures.

Got myself a landlady, 3 housemates and 5 cats.
I've only seen 2 of them so far. And already I can't stand em.
They wouldn't let me eat in peace, what with jumping on the table and onto my lap when I'm in the chair.
And I was talking about the cats.

Sitting toilet in the bathroom :D

There's internet :D
Which is available either 4 houses away through the JAKMAS (stands for something, I don't know what) wireless, or broadband 2 rows away courtesy of my good friend Tiing Jen. The girl is a blessing.

What else?

Can't think of anything at the moment.

love, joyce.

What I Did On My Holidays

All the people I miss.

Went Singapore.

Met up with Shima.

Curled my hair.

Played with Ichigo.

Did a puzzle with Ziggy.

I miss you.

Not My Day

Dear lonely isle,

Sorry for the overly long absence. I don't have internet. Not at home, not in my hostel.

I do now though.

Yeah. It's so not my day.
Got wiped all over the wall and doors into the hall today. Big crowd. All pushing. Broke my file. Messed up my hair. Bruised and aching.
No, it's not war. It's registration day.

Then there's the problem with my minor clashing with my maths class.

But that's okay.

Guess what? NUS accepted me. But they didn't approve my loan.

Yeah. I know. Writing to rant and vent and be angry and frustrated and cry.

But I can't squeeze out a tear. Or even feel the teensiest bit mad.

Just feeling really down.
Really really down.

love, joyce.

MAGRA

Dear lonely isle,

Went for an event sometime 2...no 3 weeks back >.<
Yeah, internet is hard to come by these days >.< and still in the middle of my sucky finals T_T
Anyway, MAGRA - Malam Anugerah SST. Faculty award giving night.
Which they forced award receivers to go, including yours truly (T_T) by threatening not to give us what we had worked for.
Yup, i paid rm40 to collect my cert and plaque.
Yes, I know, feels like i bought the damn things back.

The best part was, didn't even get to go onstage to receive the prize >.<
Oh why? I went to toilet..
Never went for an even that sped so fast I didn't have time to even go toilet, the dishes were coming out so fast, seems like the waiter is throwing them at us. (it was held at Karambunai Nexus Resort, beautiful place)
So when I finally had a break between the last dish and dessert, what else? Run for the toilet.
But then, as I was leaving, found out a little girl locked herself in a stall and couldn't unlock it >.<
And she spoke Czech. Yeah. Try talking to someone who speaks Czech, is about 4 years old, and about to burst into tears >.<
she had this hot dad who couldn't wait outside anymore and decided to come rescue her =P yup he was hot.
So after everything, naturally when I got back, my turn was already over T_T my name was one of the first few to be called T_T

love, joyce.

PS: FINALS SUCK T_T

What they gave me for being on the Dean's List

Feel very cheated >.<

Microbiology Lab

Dear lonely isle,

I forgot to put all my other pictures into the pen drive.....

L to R: Me, Jaclyn, Bella, Tiing Jen

Me & Tiing Jen

Bella's camera is a little distorted somehow, so my forehead looks wider >.<

Baby Came To Visit ^.^

I are blissful :)

After Arab Class

Dear lonely isle,

Erm. I fell down >.< while climbing UP the bus this time...

The Aftermath

Yeah, I'll be more careful. Promise. >.<

love, joyce.

Starbucks exists in Sabah. I have proof. ^.^

Shima and I on our day out :)

Small, Miserable Girl

"..It's so very cold outside,

like the way I'm feeling inside.."

Dear lonely isle,

Feeling very miserable now. Doesn't help that the weather has been pouring these days.
It's always cold, like how I'm feeling inside now.
Why did I ever choose to come here?
The internet connection is really bad. I can access most pages but I can't access any email sites. What kind of sick joke is this? First I can't correspond with him through sms, now you even take away my email?
I can't use MSN. Fine I can live with that, but email?
And the Maxis line here is so bad it's infuriating.
Feeling very emotionally messed up these days. Can't seem to get my heart straight. Always sad, and at the brink of bursting into tears.
Getting more and more useless. Can't even type out a decent post.
Sorry.

love, joyce.